Chrismakkuh
by TK21775
Summary: Ryan Atwood stops by a mall for some Chrismakkuh shopping while away on business and runs into someone that he can't forget.
1. Chapter 1

**Here's a new story that I've thought up while continuing to work on The Hero, Part II. Let me know with reviews what you think of it.**

Ryan Atwood stepped out of the SUV, instantly pushing his hands deep into his coat pockets as the cold air hit him. There was a thick layer of snow on the ground and more floating down quietly from the sky as he walked across the parking lot. He had parked far away from the mall entrance due to the enormous amount of vehicles that were no doubt trying to finish the same thing he was.

Once inside the mall he stomped the snow from his shoes after observing others do the same. He still couldn't believe he was here – both inside a mall to Christmas shop which he hated and in Iowa during the winter, which he might hate more. He longed to return home to California, away from the freezing cold and slippery snow and back into the warm sunlight and beaches. He might have to actually go spend a day at the beach when he returned instead of always driving by them just to get his body temperature back up to normal.

The malls were places he visited infrequently, this one in particular never, and he walked among the throngs of people not sure where to begin. This was the one time of the year where he braved the crowds, fought his dislike of shopping, and spent a few hours picking out gifts for his family. As people pushed their way past, shopping bags slamming into his legs, and the Christmas music playing overhead he thought that next year he may just shop online. The solitude from the safety of his own home, a few clicks on the mouse, and just wait for the gifts to be delivered sounded a lot better than the screaming child just in front of him.

To escape the temper tantrum and ear piercing screams, Ryan ducked into the nearest store not caring what it was. Unfortunately it was a lingerie shop and he exited just as quickly as he entered once a salesperson asked what she could help him find. His cheeks were flushed but so were many others who had just come in from the cold and once he became submerged in the crowd, no one noticed his embarrassment. He wanted to turn around and return to his rental vehicle, sit in his hotel room with room service and maybe a movie, and mark this trip up to a disappointment but he couldn't. Tomorrow was Christmas Eve and he wouldn't have time after his flight to shop before going to Sandy and Kirsten's. It was now or never so he sucked it up and continued on.

Nearly an hour later he only had one gift left to buy. Sandy was getting a new briefcase, Seth some new video games, and Sophie would be receiving some dolls that would fit inside the dollhouse he built back home. Kirsten was the only one left as she always was since he never knew what to get her. It wasn't like he had a lot of expertise shopping for women; in fact Kirsten was the only one he had ever had to buy presents for.

It wasn't that he couldn't get a date or afford presents, quite the opposite in fact. At 26, Ryan was already a multi-millionaire and owner of his own business. After Sandy and Kirsten had taken a chance on him and making him a part of their family, he wanted to prove to them that they weren't wrong. He buried himself into his schoolwork, trying his best to avoid trouble, and then did the same in college where he majored in architect. The hard work paid off, his business was a success, but his love life had been sacrificed. Women were throwing themselves at him back home but that wasn't what he was looking for. He wanted to find someone he could spend a lifetime loving, not marrying for money or a trophy wife. Love continued to remain out of his grasp for the time being and so he focused on his work to try and keep that lonely feeling at bay.

He finally found a store where he might be able to find Kirsten something, vowing he wouldn't leave that particular store until he had a gift. He had already spent too much time shopping, that had been accomplished during stomping the snow off his shoes, and now he simply wanted to get back to his hotel. He couldn't believe people actually enjoyed this, looking through stores with thousands of strangers as they searched for the impossible gift.

Ryan browsed through the store, trying his best to avoid actually walking down the aisles but he knew it was pointless. Kirsten had everything so it was impossible to find her a gift, not that it mattered because she would love whatever he gave her. He was about to leave and find a jewelry store, he knew at least that much about women, when something caught his eye.

He looked down the row and saw the red coat but what was bundled inside the coat was what caught his interest. The most amazing face he had ever seen was scanning over shelves of Christmas decorations, her sparkling green eyes dazzling even from a distance. Wavy, shiny brown hair fell out of the white winter hat on top her head, her tanned skin glowing, and the smile that broke out when she found what she was looking for took his breath away.

He was completely transfixed by her beauty, unable to tear his eyes away. He could feel his heartbeat speed up, his hands beginning to get clammy as he watched the joy across her face. In California there were beautiful women everywhere you turned, most wearing nothing in comparison to a winter coat, hat, and jeans the women before him was in, but never before had he felt anything like this just at a first glance.

Before he knew what was happening the lady who had him rooted to one spot dazed was gone around the corner. Just losing sight of her made his heart drop, made him feel like something was missing. He didn't care for that empty feeling, wanting to see more of her to fill that void but he was completely clueless on how to approach a girl. It wasn't something he normally did and something that absolutely terrified him even though he could conduct meetings to a room full of directors. The opposite sex had some kind of power over him, some kind that paralyzed his tongue when the subject of dating was presented but this girl could be worth the risk.

He racked his brain trying to come up with a way to approach this woman who had stolen his breath from ten feet away but it was going about as good as shopping for Kirsten's present. Suddenly it clicked, a plan forming in his mind as he went over to the next aisle looking for her.

"Excuse me but do you work here?" Ryan asked as he walked up to the mysterious woman.

"Um, no I don't," she answered with a smile when he saw he was talking to her.

"I'm sorry, it's just that I've been looking all over for a Christmas gift for my mom and I'm ready to admit that I need help," Ryan said, hoping his knees would remain strong against her smile though he could feel them failing.

"Well I've heard that admitting your problem is that hardest part," she replied, her eyes dancing as she spoke.

"I hope that I'm not stepping across any lines here," Ryan said, laughing along with her, "but I can see you've got exceptional taste and if it isn't too much trouble would you have some time to help me out?"

"You want me to help you find a gift for your mom?" she asked, her eyebrows raised in shock that a stranger, although a cute one, would be asking for her help.

"If you have some time, yes, I would be forever in your debt," he answered, silently hoping that she would say yes.

"Um, I guess I could try," she said slowly, not sure why she was agreeing to do this, "I'm probably going to have to know a little about her though if we're going to find something."

Over the next hour Ryan told her about his family and himself while following her through different stores and learning about her as well. The conversation flowed freely between them, something that usually didn't happen with him and strangers, and Ryan found himself truly enjoying her company. Not only was she beautiful but intelligent and funny, not some shallow bimbo that he was use to being set up with.

After not being able to agree on anything for Kirsten, the only problem they were experiencing, they decided that the jewelry store might be their best option. He watched as she peered through the glass cases, loving the way she looked when she was concentrating or when a particular pieced caught her eye. He was beginning to hope they would never find a gift just so he could spend more time with her, but he knew eventually the stores would close and they would be forced to go separate ways.

"Oh, I love this," she exclaimed, leaning closer as she pointed it out to him.

"I think that just might be it," Ryan answered, smiling down at her as he waved a salesperson over.

"Well, I think my job is done," she announced twenty minutes later as they left the store with a present for Kirsten.

"A job well done," Ryan told her, beginning to get nervous about her leaving, "I would love to thank you properly, perhaps I could take you to dinner tonight?"

"Dinner sounds great but it's just a bad time for me," she said quietly, wishing she could say yes.

"Alright, here's what I'll do," Ryan said reaching into his pocket, "This is my business card and when the timing is right, give me a call."

"I will," she said with a smile, "I had a great time today with you Ryan."

"Wait," Ryan called out as she turned to leave, more than a little disappointed, "I didn't even get a name."

"Marissa Cooper," she replied, smiling once more before she was gone.

Marissa Cooper he thought, burning the name into his memory before turning back into the jewelry store, suddenly having one more present to buy. As he walked out of the mall shortly after he realized that it was the first time he could ever remember being disappointed about leaving a mall.

…

Ryan was relieved when the plane's landing gear finally touched down on the runway, the plane rolling slowly to a stop. He hated flying, unable to look out of the window as the ground shrunk away. He thought over time he would get use to it as he flew somewhere nearly once a week but his fear was still as strong as it had ever been. Grabbing the carry-on bag he brought with him, he exited the plane, glad to be back on solid ground.

Once the landing was taken care of, his mind automatically switched back to the subject that hadn't left it for the last day. Even though they had spent only a little time together, he couldn't get Marissa out of his head. There was something about her, she fascinated him and he wanted to spend even more time with her. Every time his phone rang his hopes would soar thinking that this time it just might be her but she had yet to call. He would wait awhile to see if she did, then maybe give her a call, but she had said the time was bad and he wanted to give her some space.

"Ryan!" Kirsten shrieked as she opened the door, pulling Ryan from his thoughts of Marissa that had carried with him on his drive, "It's so good to see you."

"I was gone a week," he said as she wrapped him in a hug, having been this way ever since he had moved out of the pool house.

"I know but it feels like we don't ever get to see you anymore. Come on it, Seth and Summer are already here," she told him, stepping aside so that he could walk in with the arm full of presents.

He was greeted by all and then instantly pulled outside to the pool house by Seth, who had failed miserably in his stealth attempt at getting the two of them alone to talk. Ryan didn't know why they needed to talk in private or why Kirsten had said she never saw him anymore as Seth, Summer, and himself lived next door together. He blamed it on Chrismakkuh, the holiday always made Seth a little goofy.

"What is it Seth?" Ryan asked, the flight and having tossed and turned all night before while dreaming of Marissa causing him to yawn.

"Ryan, my man, you're glowing," Seth spoke rapidly, "Did the trip go good, maybe meet a lady friend perhaps?"

"Seth," Ryan warned, glaring over at his brother.

"What? You did meet somewhere there. I was only kidding, trying to act like I was interested before we began discussing my problems but I think I may have stumbled upon something here," Seth rambled, his excitement causing the words to come out fast.

"Alright, look, I was having some trouble picking out gifts for everyone so I asked this lady for her help," Ryan said, knowing he would have to give his brother something to shut him up, wondering what effect this girl was having on him if Seth could pick it up so quickly.

"Sure Ryan, you shopping? I'll let you keep you're little secret for now but I will pry it out of you with my wit when you're least expecting it," Seth continued on, "but we've got bigger problems here. I forgot to get a present for Summer in all my excitement of this wonderful holiday season and you're well aware of her rage blackouts."

"Honestly Seth, how could you forget to buy a gift for your girlfriend?" Ryan asked, already trying to figure out a way to bail Seth out of this.

"Ryan, I was busy trying to convert others to this wonderful time of Chrismakkuh. What would Jesus and Moses say if I wasn't making sure this holiday wasn't the most spectacular one ever! Come on man, you know that mom needs to be told where to hang all the decorations and the tree, don't get me started on the tree…"

"SETH!" Ryan yelled, the rant giving him the start of a headache.

"Yeah, quiet now," Seth said as he stopped pacing the room.

"Look, I got Kirsten this necklace so you give it to Summer and I'll tell everyone that I didn't have time to shop," Ryan said, knowing that if he didn't he would be up all night listening to Summer yelling at Seth, "but that means that you're not getting your present from me tonight."

"Oh Ryan, see the Chrismakkuh miracle that just happened! How can you say this isn't the best holiday ever?"

"Seth, I'm bailing you out again," Ryan informed him as he handed over the present, stuffing the other ones under the bed, "That can't be considered a miracle when it happens daily."

"Sure, you keep disbelieving," Seth said as he ran off with the present, "Summer, wait to you see what I got you."


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks to **RJMoonspell4, newportgirl22, Girlz-Rule, lacquer, Juzzy88, and kursk **for all of the reviews and so quickly. Since I can tell some people are into this, I'll post this up quick and I already have the next post done so let me know if I should post it.**

_**Four Years Later**_

Ryan braced himself against the cold, not remembering every seeing so much snow at one time before. He couldn't believe that he kept coming to this state during the winter months but business was business. He wanted to be able to send somebody else while he stayed in the warm climate of California but the people paying for the jobs demanded that he be present and so he had come. In all honesty, he was a little excited about coming back to Iowa during the Christmas season but spending the last week here while the snow kept coming down, accumulating in large amounts that brought along the bitter cold had dampened his spirits.

Four years ago, a long four years ago, this mall had allowed him to meet somebody that had still yet to leave his mind. Ever since that day he had waited by the phone, hoping that when he picked it up he would hear her voice. She had been in his thoughts constantly for months after arriving back home, for some reason he couldn't rid himself of her even though they had spent an hour together. Once his building had been completed, he searched for other jobs in Iowa, always willing to be the one to go out there and look over the job in hopes that he would run into her again but each time he boarded the plane to go back home disappointed.

A lot had changed for him over the last four years and he soon began staying around the office, allowing the people under him to travel to the construction sites or meetings. If ever the opportunity presented itself for a trip to Iowa, his excitement would begin again but never for very long. He was still living with Seth and Summer, the two of them finally getting married a year ago but the house was so large that the three of them saw no reason for them to move out. He enjoyed the company and the help that they presented by living there, allowing him to work freely and know that someone was always home.

He had come back to the same mall a year after meeting her in hopes that she would be there again, maybe fate had something in store for them, but if she was he never found her. The holiday season always brought back the strongest memories of her, almost the whole month he had her and nothing else on his mind. He thought that after four years the feelings would lessen or perhaps fade away as nothing more had come of their shopping trip but every year came around with her on his mind as if seeing her only yesterday.

Today was the last chance he had of running into her again, he would be leaving tomorrow to make it home in time for Christmas Eve and then he wasn't sure when he would be coming back. After four years he was ready to let this go, concentrate on women who were real instead of just memories, but he wasn't sure if his heart would allow him that. It had been so long he almost wondered if he had made her up in his head, as if she were only a dream that he had while away on a business trip but Summer still wore the necklace she had helped him pick out which made it that much harder to push her out of his thoughts.

He opened the door to the mall, escaping into the warm environment that had no biting wind in it. His face was red from the harsh weather, having no protection against it in just a short amount of time and he once again asked himself what he was doing here only to hear the little voice in his head answer that he still had hope.

This year he thought it might be better to go ahead with his Christmas shopping while keeping an eye out instead of just walking aimlessly through the mall while scanning every face he passed by in hopes that it would be her. His flight would leave later in the afternoon so by the time he landed, he would be forced to drive straight to the Cohen's house if he wanted to make it in time for dinner. Just thinking of them made him homesick, something that had never been the case until about two years ago. He didn't like leaving home anymore, especially for this long, and now he just wanted to get back to his family.

Soon his arms were full of bags, purchasing something for everybody and then some. He was now fully converted to Seth's Chrismakkuh idea and tended to go overboard with presents each year. Family now meant a little more to him than it once had and thanks to the Cohens he embraced it fully. He now understood what it meant to be a family, to have people you watch over and care about, putting their safety and protection before your own. It was an amazing feeling to finally be able to experience that when before it had only led to disappointment.

His search was nearly over, having already visited all the stores that he remembered walking through with her and going through the one they met at twice. That and the bags full of gifts he had purchased were beginning to turn his arms into jelly, hoping that he would be able to make it back to the rental vehicle and wondering how he would be taking it all home with him on the plane. He took one last look at the jewelry store where they had found the gift together, the gift that he had to hand over to Seth and give Kirsten something that Summer had helped him pick out. No red coat, no white hat, and more importantly, no beautiful face that his dreams would not let him forget.

Dejectedly he decided to end his search for the year, knowing it was a long shot at ever running into her again. He wasn't sure if she even still lived here or was married or had fled the country. At one time he did have her address and phone number but things had happened so quickly back home that he was in no position to be calling her. The thought of back home put a smile on his face and brightened up his sadness as he made his way through the crowd in search of the entrance.

"Ryan Atwood?" a voice called out, then a little louder until he stopped and looked around to see who would be shouting out his name hundreds of miles from home.

For a minute he thought he saw a white hat lost among the sea of people rushing to get home or find a gift. For a fleeting instant he thought that maybe it was her voice calling out his name, that fate had finally taken over but as he looked around he didn't see anyone waving or coming up to him. Maybe he wanted to see her again so bad that he was hearing things, seeing things that weren't there. Wondering how a girl that he had spoken to for one hour four years ago could mess with his head so badly he continued walking until there she was.

Standing at the entrance doors, the red coat and white hat stood waiting for him with a large smile on her face. He grinned back, hoping that it wasn't a hallucination or people passing him by would wonder why he had such a large grin plastered on his face while starring at nothing. He walked up to her, his legs the body part now feeling like jelly, and just seeing her up close again took his breath away. He remembered her being beautiful but his memories were nothing in comparison to the real thing. She hadn't changed a bit, yet he was still stunned by her perfection.

"Ryan Atwood, do you remember me?" she asked when he approached her, now looking a little shy.

"How could I forget the beautiful Marissa Cooper?" he answered, knowing that he hadn't in four years.

"Wow, I'm impressed," she laughed, his stomach going into knots at the lovely sound, "I see that you've become quite the shopper by yourself."

"Well, I tried," he responded, lifting up the bags a little higher, "I guess I'll have to wait until the people open them to know whether they were any good or not."

"If they're anything like the present that I received from you, I'm sure that your family will love them," she said, her hands going up to her neck where Ryan saw the same necklace as Summer wore hanging there, "Thank you for the necklace, it was way too much for a simple shopping guide."

"I'm glad you liked it but since you already picked it out I was pretty confident in the purchase," Ryan said, wondering if there was any meaning behind her still wearing it after all this time.

"I wanted to call and thank you for it or possibly return it to you since I saw how much it cost but – "

"Bad timing," he suggested, knowing he was right when she nodded shyly, her eyes staying towards the ground, "What about now?"

"Now? I've got some shopping to do before Christmas and now is the only time I'll have to do it," she said, trying not to look in his eyes which she knew would only get her to say yes.

"You did say it yourself, I've turned into quite the Christmas shopper," Ryan pressed on, knowing that he couldn't let her leave again, not after finding her after all this time, "Why don't we put my bags into my car, I'll show you around the mall, and then we can go get some dinner?"

"I don't think I'd be able to thank you properly, at least not the way you thanked me," she stalled, wondering if she would be able to just go out with a complete stranger.

"I've been up here all week by myself and the only company that I've had are board directors and CEO's and contractors," Ryan said, trying to break down the barrier she had presented, "Having someone such as yourself across a table from me for dinner would be thanks enough."

"I suppose it's the least I could do since I never did get you anything in return," she smiled, her fingers playing with the necklace subconsciously.

Two hours later and Ryan found himself following her to her house so that she could change before they had dinner. He also needed to change but since he didn't know the area at all, the only thing he could do was follow her and then go back to the hotel after she was finished. He couldn't believe that he had finally run into her again, something that he had been hoping would happen for four years now. They had shopped for her family the same way they had done for his, jumping right back into a flowing conversation as if they were old friends. Hearing her laughter again, even just the simple way she spoke was enough to bring out the goose bumps. He loved everything about her and was wondering how quickly he might return to Iowa after going back home for the holidays.

They pulled up into an apartment complex, Ryan parking right next to her car. She smiled at him through the windows of their vehicles and he knew that he was in trouble. How could she make his heart melt with just a simple gesture? He wondered if maybe it would have been better not running into her again, not knowing if he could handle parting ways with her after tonight if it came to that. The last time had been hard enough, but just seeing her again brought so many feelings to the surface, ones he hadn't shared with anyone for quite sometime. Before he could try and sort through those feelings, she was out of her vehicle and walking up to the door, waiting for him before she punched in her security code.

"So this is it," she said throwing her arms around as he set her packages down on the table, "It's not much but it's perfect for me."

"It's very nice," Ryan commented, knowing that there was nothing fancy about the place but since it held her belongings it was wonderful. Somehow she had transformed a little apartment into a cozy, warm place to live with a few decorating touches and he felt right at home.

"I'll go get ready so just have a seat, there are some drinks in the fridge," she said, suddenly nervous as she watched him looking around, wondering if this was the start of something that would continue or if it was simply dinner, "Um, can you give me an idea of where we're going so I know what to wear?"

"Well I've only brought with me suits and ties so that will have to be the attire for the evening," he replied, longing to see her in something besides the red winter coat that hid her body from his view.

"If I didn't think any better I'd say you're trying to spoil me," she said playfully, although the thought had occurred to her.

"Trust me, I think that I'm the one being spoiled," he said, watching her walk down the hall to what must have been the bedroom.

The instant she was gone he pulled his cell phone from his pocket and scrolled down the list of names until he found the one he was looking for. He hoped the man would answer because he needed a fancy restaurant, directions, and reservations all in the span of an hour.

"Ryan, something wrong with the plans?" came the voice of the CEO he was currently working with.

"No sir, not at all. Tomorrow morning we'll go over the plans again and get the paperwork signed so that I can fly home," Ryan assured him, "I was actually calling for a favor."

After Ryan explained what he was in need of the CEO told him what place to go to and that the reservations would be taken care of. Normally Ryan didn't care for CEOs and directors as they reminded him of all the Newport parties that he was forced to attend but he did have to admit, knowing some people with power did have its advantages when needed.

While waiting for Marissa to get ready, he searched through the fridge for the drinks she mentioned, finding a six pack of beer. He took one of the bottles and then walked slowly around her apartment, looking at the photographs on the wall, the decorations that made the place a home instead of an apartment, soaking it all in. He was studying a few photos hanging above the entertainment center when he heard her clear her throat.

Turning around he saw her standing across the room wearing a black strapless sparkling dress that clung to her body. He swallowed thickly, unable to take his eyes off of the curves he was now seeing. She looked stunning, the smile glowing off her face and Ryan thought for the second time that he was in some serious trouble.

"You look amazing," he said to her, though words couldn't describe how she looked.

"Thank you, I was hoping this would meet your approval," she said walking over to him, noticing the effect that she was having on him, "Should we go?"

Ryan drove back to his hotel, changing quickly in the bathroom while she waited sitting on his bed, the thought of that driving him crazy. He couldn't wait to see her again; genuinely happy when she had accepted his invitation to dinner, but after seeing her in that dress he was suddenly nervous. He lost all ability to speak, think clearly, even keep his mouth closed and he couldn't risk messing this up tonight.

The drive to the restaurant had been a quiet one, Ryan trying to focus his attention on the road but once they were seated she began asking him about himself and his job, wanting to learn more about him. He was content to answer her questions, knowing that she would have to reciprocate later which she did. Once they began talking all nervousness he had been feeling floated away and instead he felt comfortable telling her everything she wanted to know and listening to her responses.

The ended the night parked in the apartment complex, both suddenly shy as they sat in the car. Ryan knew that he wanted to see her again, hell he didn't even want to leave, but he was flying back home the next day and wasn't sure how she felt about that. He watched her dig through her purse that was sitting on her lap, trying to find her keys but stalling as well.

He turned his head, beginning to speak while she did the exact same thing. They both laughed about it, feeling the awkwardness that had filled the SUV. He motioned for her to go ahead, content on watching her as she looked into his eyes with a smile. That smile was enough to warm him during the coldest day and he knew that he wanted to see it again.

"I was going to ask if you'd like to come up for some coffee," she said, her eyes darting back down to her purse.

"I would love some coffee," he answered, feeling the warmth of not having to leave yet spread through his body as he followed her back up to her apartment.

He placed his hand on the small of her back as he pushed open the door, allowing her to go in before him. The simple touch set off sparks that he had never before experienced, electricity racing through his body. He could tell that she had felt it as well, her body frozen to the spot for several seconds as they caught their breaths.

The entered the apartment, closing the door behind him, and when he turned around she was standing right there in front of him. Her eyes locked onto his, searching for the answer to the question that was racing through both their minds after what had just happened. Before he knew what was going on she had stepped closer and then her lips were against his, pushing him into the closed door as her passion took over.

Each time they touched that same feeling came back until the room was sizzling and crackling. The taste of her lips was intoxicating; he wanted more of them each time they touched until it hurt. It was all happening so quickly and with such intensity that he shut off his mind that was trying to process what was happening and went with the moment. What ever was going on it felt like the right thing to be doing.

She broke away, their faces still inches apart as her arms were still around his neck, his around her waist. She looked deep into his eyes, wondering what was going on between them and at the moment not caring but she had to take a step back from this.

"I'm sorry, I'm normally not like this at all," she said, blushing scarlet as she had let down her barrier and nearly attacked him with her lips.

"I'm not complaining in the least," Ryan whispered and that was all she needed to hear before kissing him passionately again.

They made their way down the hall to her bedroom, their lips never leaving the others for more than a second. She began pulling his shirt out of his pants and he knew that he had to stop her before things went even further. Placing his hands over hers, she stopped, looking up at him to see what was wrong when they both could feel the chemistry they shared taking over.

"Look Marissa, I'm flying back to California tomorrow afternoon and I can't promise when I'll be back next," he said, wanting her to understand the situation they were in so that what ever her choice was she wouldn't come to regret it.

"Then we better not waste any more time," she replied, her hands roaming all over his chest, "I'll stay here tomorrow, you'll fly back home, and this time I promise I'll call you."

She pulled his head down to hers, her lips once again finding his as they found their way to the bed. Ryan let the passion take over, wanting this just as much as she did but hoping that it wouldn't be only for tonight. He would gladly stop what they were doing tonight if it meant being together for longer but he believed her when she said she would call and remembering that later on while he was holding her in his arms is how he fell asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks to **marcopolo8170, Westcoastlover08, newportgirl22, RJMoonspell4, kursk, surferellegirl, and Girlz-Rule **for all the reviews. Got another post done for the story, so review and let me know how you like it. This one is a little shorter but the next post is a lot longer to make up for it.**

The next morning Ryan woke up wondering where he was at for the first few seconds, panic working its way through his body as he took in the unfamiliar pink walls, lacy curtains, and full length mirror in the corner. Then somebody stirred in his arms and he looked down to see Marissa still sleeping, his arms around her body that was pressed close to his. Suddenly everything came rushing back – the mall, the dinner, the unforgotten coffee. He stayed that way for awhile, just watching her sleep. She looked so peaceful, her hair falling everywhere as she slept on. For some reason he just couldn't take his eyes off of her, finding this moment they were in absolutely perfect. He could lie like this forever, holding onto her tightly as they cuddled but he knew that it couldn't happen. His plane was leaving this afternoon and he still had to go over the building plans and paperwork with the company whose services brought him back to Iowa, back so he could be holding her in his arms.

She sensed him watching her, stirring in his arms that felt so safe and protective, the night's activities coming back to her as she laid there. Remembering everything that had happened between them she felt her face break out into a smile and she knew that she had given away that she was now awake. It would have been nice to continue in the position they were in but she rolled over, glad that he was also smiling back at her.

"Good morning beautiful," he said softly, leaning in to give her a kiss.

"Morning," she replied back, wondering how long he could stay with her, just remaining in bed as they starred into each other's eyes.

"If you want we can go grab some breakfast, I've got a little time before my meeting starts this morning?" he asked, wondering how he'd be able to get through that when just the thought of leaving her was killing him.

"Breakfast sounds great, I'm starving," she replied, leaning back in so that she could feel his lips against hers, her body tingling when they touched.

An hour later they were back at Ryan's hotel, choosing to eat breakfast there so that he could change quickly, wanting to spend as much time together as they could squeeze in before the day forced them to go their separate ways. For some reason the snow looked whiter, the crisp cold air felt wonderful, winter in Iowa was enjoyable to him. In fact, everything seemed to be a little more colorful, the world more alive than he remembered noticing yesterday.

"So when are you coming back?" she asked, the question on her lips all morning as they finished their plates, sitting back to their coffee.

"I don't know," he answered, wishing that it would be tomorrow but he knew that it would probably be a few months, "You could always take a Christmas vacation, fly back home with me for a few days."

"I can't, my family is all getting together for the holidays," she answered dejectedly, wanting nothing more than to jump on the plane with him for the warmer weather, "Is there anyway you can change your flight this afternoon, maybe stay for a few days longer?"

"I've got to be home for Christmas Eve," he told her, fishing his brain for an answer to their problem.

"Look, we're both adults here," she began, watching his eyes as he sipped his coffee, "Just because of what happened tonight, and this morning, doesn't mean that anything has to continue on. I'll stay here and you'll fly home and we'll both go back to our lives the way they were before we met yesterday."

"You promised you'd call though," he said, his response causing her eyes to lock back onto his, "and my life has not been the same since I saw you four years ago. Marissa, I've thought about you probably every day since you helped me pick out that gift. I was taking every job I could find around here just hoping that I would run into you again. Now that I've found you, there is no way that I'm going to just hop back onto that plane and believe that I can go back to my life."

"Then how do we do this?" she asked, reaching her hands out across the table which he grabbed into his, "How do we make this work?"

"Well, you promised you'd call me, just as long as it doesn't take four years again," he joked, getting her to offer up a small smile, "I suppose that if you call I'll have to return your phone call and we'll just have to do that until something comes up around here or you get a few days to fly and check out my home."

"You really think having a long distance relationship over the phone after having met for one night is going to work?" she asked, wanting to believe that it could but the possibilities going against them seemed endless.

"Relationship? I was just thinking that we could be phone buddies or something," Ryan said, laughing at the way she frowned at him, "I'm kidding Marissa. We'll make it work somehow, this will just have to do for now because I'm not going that long without you in my life again."

She leaned across the table and he met her halfway, their lips joining as they held hands. Both were wishing that this would work, wanting it to work after experiencing the connection they had together. Ryan was ready to do whatever it took, he knew that his life would not be the same anymore unless they tried. Even though he wasn't the world's best talker, especially disliking long phone conversations, he thought that he would be able to make an exception with her. He would be willing to make a lot of exceptions when it came to her.

She drove Ryan to his meeting, letting the hotel take care of returning the rental car so that she could drop him off at the airport. He rushed through everything, wanting to get things over with as quick as possible even if that only gave them another minute together. The people he was working with also wanted to get things done quickly as it was Christmas Eve and Ryan was out of there in two hours when it normally would have taken four. If things got skipped or needed to be worked out, he was sure that he'd be available to fly back and work them out.

After a quick lunch together she reluctantly drove him to the airport, having already threatened to kidnap him and keep him tied up in her apartment. Ryan couldn't believe how hard it was to leave her, spending less than two days with her, but knowing that she had been with him for years now. There was too strong of a connection between them, stronger than Ryan had ever felt with another woman, and he was positive that he would do anything he could to make things work.

They sat in the waiting area after checking his luggage in, having to buy a new suitcase in order to transport his presents home, talking about anything that came to mind except for the one thing that was constantly there. He explained why he traveled around for his work, what goes on at the meetings he was just at, why he always seems to end up Christmas shopping while traveling instead of getting it done at home while she told him about being a designer, about the boyfriend who had kept them apart the first time they had met, and her family that she would be going to visit for the holidays. Ryan loved just listening to her, watching how she played with the ends of her hair subconsciously when she talked or how her eyes lit up when she talked about something she was passionate about. When he talked she would smile at him, that smile that could get him to do anything she asked as he was powerless for it or running her hand up and down his thigh not knowing she was doing it. Everything she did he found sexy or enjoyable, just being in her company was enough when silence took them for awhile.

Finally the last call for boarding for his flight was called over the PA system and he stood to leave, pulling her into a warm embrace as she held on tightly to him. He kissed her deeply, wanting her to know that he was willing to make things work between them, that this wasn't just a one night stand type of fling. He reluctantly pulled out of her arms, giving her a smile before turning to board a plane he had hoped would never come to take him away.

…

"Ryan, my man," Seth said as he answered the door, Ryan standing there with his suitcase of presents behind him.

"Merry Chrismakkuh Seth," Ryan replied, trying to step past his brother.

"Ryan, trip to Iowa, you're glowing again," Seth noticed, "Somehow I'm thinking this has nothing to do with the ungodly amount of snow that you mentioned."

"Just glad to be back home is all," Ryan said, knowing that he couldn't wipe the smile off his face that would appear every time he thought about her.

"Sure, that must be it," Seth said sarcastically, walking back towards the kitchen as he shouted, "Mom, Dad, I think Ryan has a girlfriend!"

"Daddy!" a little girl's voice shouted happily and seconds later a pink missile shot around the corner and attached itself to Ryan's leg.

"Hey there Munchkin," Ryan said just as happy to see her, picking the two year old up in his arms, "How's daddy's favorite girl?"

"I missed you daddy, bwing me any pwesents?" she asked as she gave him her best pouting face.

"I did but first we should probably go ask grandma and grandpa if you were good or not while I've been away," he said, carrying her into the kitchen where Kirsten, Sandy, and Summer stood listen to Seth's rant.

"Gwanma, can you tell daddy I was good so that he can give me my pwesents?" the little girl said with her arms folded tightly across her chest and a stern look on her face.

"Ryan, glad you're home safe," Kirsten exclaimed happily, running over to throw her arms around him, kissing him on the cheek.

As he was talking to Sandy about the latest development going on with the project in Iowa, his cell phone began ringing loudly. The little girl on his hips instantly reached for it, snatching the phone off his belt clip before Ryan could get to it first.

"Helwo," she answered, "this is Wyan's phone."

The person on the other line must have been talking as Ryan put her down, watching as she had the phone pressed up to her ear with a very determined look on her face as she listened intently.

"Daddy, it's fow you," she finally said, telling the person good-bye on the phone before she handed it over to Ryan.

He looked at the screen to see who would possibly be calling him on Christmas Eve but saw that the call had ended just as he was handed the phone. He waited until the screen went back to the home page and then checked to see who his last incoming call was from. Once the number appeared on the screen he suddenly knew that the ended call hadn't been an accident at all. Marissa didn't know about his daughter yet and he had hoped that when he told her it would have gone smoother than how she had just found out.

He excused himself from the room, promising his daughter that he would be back in a second with an armful of presents just for her. He hit redial, wanting to explain what had just happened but she wouldn't pick up. He tried calling her from the house phone but still she didn't answer. He had to explain to her why he hadn't said anything and he finally left a message on her cell phone telling her to call him, hoping that he wasn't too late for her to forgive him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks to **LongHardRoadOuttaHell, Juzzy88, RJMoonspell4, Westcoastlover08, Girlz-Rule, kursk, newportgirl22, and nas2439. **I was really surprised with all the fast reviews so here's another chapter into the story. Let me know what you think.**

"Ryan!" an excited ten year old girl screamed, running across the room to jump on him, her arms throwing themselves around his neck.

"Hey Sophie," he tried to say as happily as he could but after just leaving the message for Marissa and not being able to get in touch with her, the smile just wasn't the same.

"What's wrong?" Sophie asked, noticing instantly that Ryan wasn't in a good mood. She was more like him then Seth, picking up on other's moods where Seth would continue to talk about himself, oblivious that others may have problems at that moment as well.

"Just trying to get a hold of somebody and they're not picking up," Ryan answered, focusing his attention on his ten year old sister, "Where have you been hiding out at?"

"I've been trying to sneak a look at my presents while Seth kept everyone occupied in the kitchen but I can't tell if I got the I-pod I wanted."

"Go check in my bag for your present then," Ryan told her, which was responded by a squeal and then another tight hug before she ran off.

He continued to sit on the chair, wondering what Marissa was feeling at this moment. Last night he hadn't been sure if he was ever going to see her again until they arrived back at her apartment and that had definitely not been the right time to mention his daughter. He supposed he could have mentioned something about her before boarding the plane but was that something you just sprung on somebody and then left to fly half way across the country when you were just trying to start a relationship? Not that any of it mattered anymore, any way would have been better than finding out the way she did.

"Daddy?" his daughter asked quietly, walking very slowly across the room to him with her head held down.

"What is it baby?" he asked, opening his arms for her to come and sit on his lap.

"Did I do something bad?" she asked, resting her head on his shoulder as she played with her dress.

"No baby, you didn't do anything wrong," he assured her, knowing that the reason he was feeling this way was because of his decision and nobody else.

He carried her back into the kitchen, tickling her as they went and that was all it took for his daughter to get back into the Christmas mood. He loved the way that children could change their emotions so quickly, never worrying for very long about any one thing before something else caught their attention and they moved on. He wished he could be so lucky, knowing that until he reached Marissa and talked to her about his daughter he would be dwelling on the situation. If only there was an on/off switch for a person's emotions, life would be so much easier to deal with.

Before long he pushed the thoughts of Marissa out of his mind for the time being as he watched his daughter tear through her presents, giggling and squealing at each one in her delight. Sophie was sitting next to her, nearly in just as much excitement as she opened hers but the most dramatic always went to Seth. He was worse than the girls, jumping up and down when he tore through the wrapping paper, causing a blizzard inside the house as it was thrown every which way. It was enough to get him to smile, enjoying the time that he was spending with his family.

Ever since his daughter was born, the word family brought on a whole new meaning. At first he had been terrified, hoping that he wouldn't turn out like his mother or father, something in his Atwood genes that defined you as a bad parent. The instant she was placed in his arms though, so tiny and fragile, he knew that he would never let harm come to her. He would protect her at all costs, allow her to live a full life in a house that she would feel safe and loved in. The Cohen's had taught him how to be a true family and that was what he wanted for his daughter. She would never be terrified of getting hit at home, of the drunken abuse, having to steal for money just to eat, or all of the other terrible things he had experienced in his childhood. He would make sure that hers was one full of happiness and love, always knowing that no matter what, he would love her and protect her.

Sandy and Kirsten had been pretty supportive and instantly fell in love with her the moment they laid eyes on her, it was hard not to. Seth and Summer also helped in raising her, which was a part of why Ryan loved the three of them living together. He never had to worry about a babysitter, or if she was safe while he was away because his two roommates took such good care of her. Seth especially surprised him but after the way he was when Sophie was born, Ryan shouldn't have been surprised. He was the one that had the most in common with her, could grasp her level of concept, which was what he was doing now – acting like a little kid at Chrismakkuh.

The night's festivities wore on, Seth still as excited as he was days ago, but eventually he too decided that they had had enough for the night. Ryan picked up his little girl who had fallen asleep a time ago on the couch, said good-bye to Sandy and Kirsten, and then started the long walk down the driveway to their house. The four of them walked along in silence, Summer nearly carrying Seth as he leaned against her walking, and Ryan's thoughts returned back to Marissa. The excitement was finished, the presents unwrapped, and nothing was left to occupy his mind except for thoughts of her.

If he could explain to her, then maybe she would understand a little but until he could actually get her to pick up her phone, it was hopeless. Just the thought of losing her again, after all this time, was enough to upset his stomach. Yesterday had been great, the shopping, the dinner, her apartment, and now a day later it looked like all was lost. He wondered if she felt as strongly about him as he did her, even though she did confess to as much before he boarded the plane. If that was the case, why wouldn't she call him back?

He climbed the stairs, entering his daughter's room and gently laid her down in her bed. The day's excitement had been too much for the little girl, she was fast asleep, so he slipped off her shoes, leaving her in the dress she was wearing, and pulled the blankets up before giving her a kiss on the forehead. She was his entire world, he couldn't remember how many nights he had simply sat in her room and watched her sleep just to make sure she was real.

"Hey Chino," Summer called out as he entered the hallway, ready to go to his bedroom until he heard her.

"Summer, why must you call him Chino?" Seth asked sleepily with his head resting on her shoulder as they sat on the couch, his eyes half closed.

"For the very same reason that I refer to you as asshat, it's your name," she replied, pushing his head off of her before returning her attention back to Ryan, "You OK? You look like your dog just died."

"I'm fine," Ryan answered, not sure if he wanted to reveal too much information yet as he sat down in the chair opposite the couch.

"Then why the gloomy face since the phone call?" she continued, having lived with him long enough to know that you had to pry the problem out of him.

"You remember that girl that Seth thought was hilarious to make fun of me about years ago after my trip to Iowa? Well, I ran into her again yesterday and took her out on a date," he said, running his hand through his hair, thinking back to all of the excitement of yesterday.

"So that's a good thing right?" Seth mumbled, his head falling back down on Summer.

"No Cohen, that's not a good thing," Summer said, smacking him on the head, "How would you feel if you met up with me after years apart, get together, and then a little girl answers the phone when you call?"

"Probably better than getting slapped on the head, honestly woman, have you been lifting weights again?" he replied, holding onto the side of his face.

"You didn't tell her did you?" Summer asked, although she knew the answer to that question.

"No, I wasn't sure what was going on," Ryan said, sighing at his mistake, "We ran into each other at the mall and then went for dinner. I wasn't sure what she wanted so I kept quiet until I knew. I was going to tell her if things kept going between us but now she won't answer any of my calls"

"Well when are you going back to Iowa?" Summer asked, not wanting to see Ryan as heartbroken as he looked right now.

"There's nothing planned right now," he answered despairingly, wondering how things could go so wrong so fast.

"Then plan something, it doesn't just have to be for business," Summer explained, throwing her hands up in the air, "I can see how much she means to you, we all could even after the first time. If she's worth fighting for you can't keep a single plane ticket from getting in your way."

Ryan thought about what she said, wondering if he could hop on a plane, arrive at her doorstep, and explain the situation. She was worth fighting for, he knew from the moment he saw her standing their smiling at him that he was going to do whatever it took to keep her in his life. He had spent way too many years thinking about her and what could have been to let her slip away and go back to those thoughts again.

The more he considered the possibility, the more he liked it. Tomorrow was Christmas and he had the entire week off, there was nothing stopping him from flying to her and trying to work things out. If he didn't and she refused to answer his calls, he knew that he would be spending the week thinking only of her and how to make the situation right. The opportunity to do that was right in front of him and he decided that he would take the chance.

"Snow might be fun for Chrismakkuh once," he said, getting Seth's full attention as his head snapped up, his eyes wide open upon hearing his favorite holiday. 

"What? What's going on?" he asked, completely unaware of the conversation that had just taken place between his wife and Ryan.

"How does spending a little time where there's snow on the ground for Chrismakkuh sound?" Ryan asked, "I think that we should all go, let the little one see snow for the first time."

"Ryan, anything to do with Chrismakkuh, I'm in," Seth answered happily, not knowing that there wouldn't be any ski resorts were they were headed.

"Good, I'll go get four plane tickets and hopefully we'll fly out tomorrow," Ryan finalized, standing up to go call the airport.

…

"Daddy, why are youw eyes closed?" his daughter asked, looking over at her father who had his eyes clamped shut, his hands gripping the arm rests so hard his knuckles were white.

"Daddy doesn't like heights," Seth answered, and then for Ryan's benefit, "Look, see how the ground looks so tiny from up here. Even the clouds are below us."

"Seth," Ryan warned, feeling the plane begin its descent.

"But look Daddy, the caws look like ants," his daughter commented, enjoying the view from her window, oblivious to the fear her dad had.

"That's great sweetie, why don't you just sit back now until we land."

They were finally on solid ground, Ryan's heartbeat slowly returning to normal as they gathered their luggage and hailed a taxi. Ryan was carrying both his and Summer's luggage, his daughter carrying her own little suitcase, while Seth continued whining about the bag he had strapped over his shoulder. The whining continued through the drive until the taxi stopped outside of a hotel where they would be staying, rolling his eyes as the four exited the cab.

Ryan had decided that he would go alone to Marissa's apartment, wanting to spend some time explaining his daughter to her and just to see if she would even talk to him. Seth and Summer would stay at the hotel with her until Ryan figured things out and then hopefully they would all reunite for supper that evening. Ryan wasn't sure which one needed the nap the most, his daughter or Seth, and knew that what ever was in store for him was nothing compared to the job Summer had on her hands.

The ride over to Marissa's apartment he tried thinking of what he could say to her, but everything that he thought of just didn't seem to work. He wasn't sure why he was even trying to prepare a speech, knowing that as soon as he started everything would get all jumbled together and just come out wrong. She seemed to have that affect on him, his tongue unable to operate and causing his speech to fall out wrong once his breath had finally been returned to him. He was hoping that she would at least allow him the opportunity to explain, seeing as she hadn't returned any of his phone calls from today or yesterday.

He paid the cab driver and walked up to her door, looking for her name next to the button that would ring to her apartment. He had forgotten about the security door, now worrying if she would even allow him to enter. He found her name, smiling just at the sight of it, and pushed the button, hoping that in a few moments he would be smiling at the real person.

He was about to push the button again when the door opened and nearly knocked him off of his feet. Neither he nor the person exiting had seen each other until the door rammed into Ryan's shoulder. He fell back a few steps, regaining his balance as he looked over to see what had just happened.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't….Ryan, what are you doing here?" Marissa exclaimed once she realized who she had just hit.

"I was hoping for a little better greeting than that," he replied, rubbing his shoulder where he had been hit.

He looked over to her and gazed at how beautiful she was. Even spending the little time they had been apart yesterday had been too much, he could lose himself in her eyes and beauty and never return. He wanted to close the distance between them, feel her lips against his again, but then remembered why he was actually here and suddenly the nerves hit him again.

"Are you alright?" she asked when he didn't say anything.

"I'm fine," he spoke, realizing that he had been starring, "I couldn't seem to get you to answer your phone so I thought I'd come over and see you."

"Ryan, don't make this hard. I like you, I really, really do, but I'm not going to be some fling that you visit on your business trips and then have you return home to your family. That is not who I am, I even felt guilty about how much fun we had shopping that first time when I had a boyfriend. So what ever it is you came all this way to say, I don't want to hear it. If things end now, I have less chance of getting hurt than if we tried to extended this affair we tried having," she said, tears beginning to well up in her eyes, "I can't, I …. I have to go. I've got Christmas with my family today."

She began running to her car, the tears streaming down her face now. She had spent all of last night crying, not believing that she had fallen for some guy who was married and had left her to be home with his family for the holidays. She had thought they might have something special between them, it certainly felt like it after the time they had, but she wasn't about to go break up a family just because she had such strong feelings about a guy.

"Marissa, at least give me five minutes," Ryan called out, "I didn't fly all this way just to get hit by a door."

"You should get back home to your family," she said, trying to fit her key into the lock of her car door.

"My family is here, with me, wanting to meet you," he said, his words getting her attention.

"What in the hell is going on? You brought your family here and they want to meet me? What kind of sick game is going on here?" she yelled, dropping her keys on the ground.

"Marissa," Ryan said laughing, finally getting at what had her so upset as he walked over to her, picking her keys up off the ground as she stood there, crying into her hands, "I'm not married, I don't have a girlfriend or a finance, just a little girl that answered my phone last night."

"What?" she asked, not sure if she heard him correctly over her sobs, peeking at him behind her hands.

"Please, just let's go upstairs and I'll explain," he said, handing her keys back to her so she wouldn't think she didn't have another option, "Give me five minutes to straighten this out."

She reluctantly started walking back to the entrance door of the apartment complex, curious now as to what the situation was. She was so sure that he was married after hearing the little girl call him daddy last night that she didn't even stop to think about any other alternatives. Single people had kids, divorced couples had kids, a lot of unmarried people had kids. Suddenly she worried that maybe she might have over-reacted and she led him up to the apartment where he had left from only a day ago.

"Do, do you want something to drink?" she asked, nervous now at what he was going to tell her as they stood awkwardly in her kitchen.

"Sure," he answered, trying to sort through the words in his head so that he didn't screw up a second time and lose her for good.

She handed him a beer, sitting down at her table with one of her own. Her hands fumbled trying to twist the cap off the bottle and he reached over, twisting it off for her.

"Thanks," she said softly, her eyes staying glued to the table top.

"I know that it was wrong of me to keep my daughter a secret," Ryan began, sitting down opposite her, "but I wanted to see what was going to happen out of this before letting you know. I wasn't sure the other night if we were just having dinner or if anything more was going to come out of it and that's why I didn't feel I should bring it up."

"Are you saying you don't want anything more out of this?" she asked, suddenly afraid about losing him even though he had flown across the country to explain to her.

"Of course I do, I just wasn't sure how you felt," he assured her, "Three years ago I met someone in California and we went out a few times. Three months later she's telling me she's pregnant and that the baby is mine. It was a shock at first but I was OK with it until I overheard her talking on the phone to one of her friends one day when I came home early from work. She was telling her how she had tricked me into getting her pregnant, something to do with poking a hole in the condoms and getting off the pill. She was bragging about how easy her life was going to be now, marrying me and living off my money just by simply having a baby even though she'd have to hire a nanny because she hated kids. I offered her a settlement, allowing her to live with me until the baby was born so that I could keep an eye on her and then when my daughter was born, I took her home and she took a check to the bank."

"That's horrible," Marissa whispered, not believing that a person would do something like that.

"Well, it worked out good," Ryan said, "I have a daughter now who is two years old and I got rid of her mother who didn't deserve either of us."

"I'm so sorry Ryan, I just jumped to a conclusion when I heard the word daddy," Marissa said, beginning to cry again, "I should have just answered your call and then you could have explained it to me without having to fly over here again."

"Hey," he comforted her, already across the table as he wrapped her in his arms, "Now why be sorry for something that is allowing us to do this?"

She smiled softly at him, her eyes sparkling with tears as she looked up at his face. She wasn't sure why or even how she had developed such strong feelings for him this quickly but she had. Just his touch alone sent shivers down her body and in his arms she felt safe and protected. She loved everything about him, how she felt around him, how patient he could be with her, how he would just jump on a plane to explain something to her that had been her fault to begin with. It was then looking into his eyes that she finally realized that she didn't have just feelings for him, she was in love with him.

"Wait, didn't you say you brought your family with you?" she asked, wondering where they could be.

"I brought my daughter along as well as my brother and sister-in-law. Don't you have a Christmas to get to?" he asked, wondering how much time they had to share together.

"Crap! I almost forgot about that," she said looking at her watch, "Do you think maybe you'd like to come with me? You could bring your family too of course."

"I would love to spend every minute with you, I really would," Ryan said, "but I'm not sure how my daughter would react meeting you along with your entire family."

"Then how about we go meet her, spend a little time together, and then go for supper to my family's house?" she asked, kissing him after she spoke which she knew would only benefit her getting her way.

"We'll see how things go at the hotel first," Ryan replied, knowing that his daughter had to come first here.

"Now you have me a little scared about meeting her," Marissa confessed her stomach jittery about meeting Ryan's daughter.

"She'll love you, it may just take a little while for her to warm up," Ryan assured her, knowing that if his daughter saw how much he loved Marissa, she would too, "That's why I brought her with me, so that the two of you could meet in person."

"So you brought your brother and sister-in-law to meet me to?" she joked, "That's three people I've got to make good impressions on after you flew them from the warm California weather into the cold snow of Iowa?"

"We don't have any snow in California so we thought it would be a good idea to go spend some time where there was some during the Chrismakkuh holiday," he said as they jumped into her car.

"Chrismakkuh?" she asked with a confused look on her face.

"It's a long story."


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks to **Girlz-Rule, kursk, RJMoonspell4, newportgirl22, Juzzy88, LongHardRoadOuttaHell, and surferellagirl ** for all the reviews, know it's been awhile since I updated but the holiday season was a little busy. Let me know what you think.**

Ryan squeezed Marissa's hand as they reached his hotel door, reassuring her that everything would go good as he felt her tense up. Even though he was trying to comfort her nerves, that didn't mean that he didn't have any of his own. He had never brought home another woman to meet his daughter, not after what her mother had done to him. For the last two years, she had been the only woman in his life, along with Kirsten and Summer of course, and that had been enough for him though Marissa had occupied his thoughts during that time. He wanted to believe that his daughter would be happy to meet Marissa, having told her a little about her on the plane ride, but until they actually did, he wasn't sure how she would react. As deep as his feelings for Marissa were, his daughter still came first and ultimately it would be her reaction and feelings that would be the deciding factor on his and Marissa relationship continuing.

He slid his room key into the slot, the green light blinking above the door handle to let him know he could open the door. Taking a deep breath, he pushed the door open and pulled Marissa into his room, hoping that what was about to happen would go smoothly. He felt her walk in slowly behind him, their hands beginning to break apart as the distance between them began to grow. He stopped, turning back to give her a smile, and that was enough for her to quicken her step so that she was now by his side.

"Hey, anybody around here?" Ryan called out as they entered the main room, not seeing his three companions.

"Daddy!" he heard his daughter squeal, a bright smile on her face as she ran out of one of the bedroom doors but she stopped dead in her tracks the moment she saw Marissa, "Daddy, who's that?"

Ryan smiled at her to let her know it was OK, watching as she walked slowly over to him, pointing at Marissa with her little hand while not taking her eyes off of her. Marissa crouched down so that she was now down to his daughter's height, smiling one of her radiant smiles that sent chills coursing through Ryan's body even though it wasn't directed at him.

"Sweetie, this is Marissa," Ryan said, taking her hand into his as he led her in front of Marissa, "Do you remember me talking about her on the plane?"

"Yes daddy," she said quietly, still sizing up Marissa.

"Marissa, this is my daughter, Mya," Ryan introduced, holding his breath to see how Mya would react.

"Hi Mya, that's a very cute dress you have on," Marissa said, which was the perfect thing for her to say as Summer had been passing on her fashion tips to his daughter since the day she was born.

"Thank you Mawissa," Mya said with a bright smile, "You awe weally pwetty."

"Why thank you Mya, that's a very nice thing for you to say," Marissa said, her eyes twinkling as the fear of disapproval removed itself from her thinking.

Seth and Summer had emerged from the bedroom Mya had come running out of, watching to see how she would react to Ryan's date. The two of them had been just as nervous, hoping that Mya would be OK with Ryan bringing over a new friend. They could see how important Marissa was to him, so important that he was willing to talk about his feelings for her last night. For him, that was an enormous step as Mya's mother had really done a number on him. Since her, he seemed to lose all of the trust that he had begun to allow himself to give out after living with the Cohens, almost like starting over from the first day that he had arrived there.

Ryan introduced them to Marissa, Seth standing there giving her an awkward wave while Summer went over and gave her a friendly hug. The two girls began commenting each other on their outfits and began talking like they were the only two in the room, which Ryan didn't mind as he was glad the two of them were hitting it off almost as much as Mya and Marissa.

While the girls continued talking, Ryan took the opportunity to pick Mya up and carry her across the room to a chair where he sat down with her on his lap. She continued keeping her eyes on Marissa, but now she had a smile on her face. Ryan didn't realize how badly he needed Mya's approval as her smile lifted a huge weight off of his shoulders that he hadn't been aware was there.

"Mya, can daddy talk to you for a minute?" he asked, getting her attention focused on him.

"OK Daddy."

"Do you like Marissa?" he asked, smiling at the two big blue eyes starring up at him.

"I told Mawrissa she's weally pwetty," the little girl said, her hands going up and down as if he wasn't catching on.

"I know sweetie and that was very nice of you," Ryan said, wanting to explain a little more to her, "and I think she's very pretty too. Would you like it if Marissa played with us today, maybe if she came to spend some time at our house and we could spend some time at her house?"

"Yeah!" his daughter exclaimed excitedly, her face showing off the simply joy that only a child can do.

"Good, because that would make Daddy really happy too," he said as he put her back down on the floor.

"Daddy?" she said, turning around to face him, "You've got a weally big smile on youw face wight now!"

Ryan beamed at the little girl, knowing that he couldn't contain it even if he wanted too. He sat there in the chair, content on watching the three ladies standing in the room, talking and laughing together. When Mya reached her arms up to Marissa and she picked the little girl up, Ryan thought his heart might break. The two of them looked so happy together, giggling and smiling as Mya played with Marissa's hair. Summer and Mya had a great relationship but it wasn't as if Summer could ever be Mya's mother. Watching the way Mya and Marissa interacted; Ryan realized he had been waiting for this for a long time, for the both of them.

…

Ryan pulled up to the address that Marissa had written down for him, double checking the numbers on the house to make sure it was the correct one. Butterflies were beginning to swarm in his stomach now that he was here, meeting Marissa's family for the first time. He wasn't sure what to expect, he hadn't ever been introduced to a family before as a boyfriend and now that the time had come, he realized that he was extremely nervous about that. Sure he had been introduced before, such as all of the Newport events when he had moved in with the Cohens, but he wasn't trying to impress any of those people nor had anything on the line. Meeting parents of a girl you definitely could see having a future with suddenly raised the stakes as well as his stress.

He looked into the rear view mirror, checking to see how his daughter was handling the day. It had been a busy one for her, meeting Marissa, and he saw her fast asleep in the car seat. He smiled, something that happened every time he looked at her, wondering how he had gotten so lucky to have a daughter like her. He wondered how she was going to take meeting everyone and how they would handle meeting her, knowing that their daughter was dating a guy with a two year old kid.

"Ryan, why don't we just take Mya back to the hotel, let her sleep tonight," Summer said from the back seat next to the little girl, "She's had a long day and I can see you're just a little nervous about going inside. It may be easier to do without all of us coming in with you."

"Yeah man, I'm not sure how I'd react if they're not open to celebrating Chrismakkuh," Seth said, "I wouldn't want to jeopardize your relationship with Marissa just because I'd be forced to knock out a few of her family members."

"Cohen, can it. With your fighting abilities the only person you'd hurt would be yourself," Summer said, slapping him from behind, "Ryan, honestly it will be fine. You go in there, be charming like we all know you can be at times, and we'll watch Mya at the hotel."

Ryan contemplated the decision, not wanting to make Summer and Seth sit alone in a hotel babysitting because he had drug them across the country but also knowing that Mya would probably sleep the rest of the night and it would make the first impressions a little harder carrying her around the entire time. He finally nodded, agreeing with Summer, but still the butterflies swarmed. He almost debated throwing in a third option, which was to just put the vehicle in reverse and go back to the hotel with the three of them, watch a few old movies, and call it a night. It sounded a little better than what he was about to do but unfortunately, he did that most nights back in California and if he wanted to change that, he knew that he needed to meet Marissa's family.

"Call if there's anything," Ryan said as he got out of the vehicle, allowing Summer to take his place, "Mya's blanket is…"

"Chino, take a few deep breaths and relax. If dork boy here could eventually win over my father, than you should have nothing to worry about," Summer said with a smile before pulling away, Ryan hearing Seth beginning to protest until the voice was lost with the distance.

Ryan turned at the end of the drive, hands in his coat pockets from the cold and stared up at the house. It was a smaller house than what he was use to, nothing like the McMansions he was surrounded by back home, but it looked cozy to him from the outside, like you knew a family lived there. Marissa's family he thought and the sudden image of her beautiful face gave his legs the courage they had been waiting for to begin walking up the drive and to the front door.

He rang the doorbell, aware of the sound of voices and laughter coming from inside. It was a pleasant sound, nothing like a person would hear at a Newport party where the only laughter was normally forced and the voices way too cheery to be the truth. He began relaxing a little as he waited, suddenly looking forward to jumping into a different environment than what he was use to.

"Merry Christmas, can I help you?" asked a guy that was around Ryan's age as he opened the door, a smile across his face even though they were complete strangers.

"Merry Christmas, I'm Ryan, a friend of Marissa," he explained, not sure how much she had explained to her family, especially since they had just met a few days ago.

"Sorry, she's not here yet but come on in," the man replied, opening the door wider for Ryan, "The more the merry at Christmas time."

"Thanks," Ryan mumbled, not even thinking to check for her car to make sure she was here before he let Summer drive off with his only mode of transportation.

He entered the house, following the man who answered the door, and immediately felt the warmth. The room was filled with people, all talking and laughing, genuine smiles on their faces as if they actually were pleased to be in each other's company. The house was decorated with Christmas decorations, a tree was standing in the corner with presents upon presents underneath, while music streamed through the room making the entire place festive. Ryan was forced to smile, it was an intoxicating feeling he had just walked into and one he rather enjoyed.

"Hey everyone, this is Ryan," his greeter introduced loudly above everyone else's voice, pointing at Ryan as though nobody would be able to recognize who the outsider was, "He says he's a friend of Marissa."

"A friend of Marissa?" a deep voice boomed through the room, silencing the crowd who had continued to talk during his announcement, "Whose making that statement?"

Ryan watched as several people pointed their finger at him, his feeling of warmth suddenly replaced with being accused. Watching the people silently point at him made him feel as if he had just been found guilty of a heinous crime in a courtroom, not the same room that had just been filled with holiday cheer. He forced a smile, even gave a small wave to the crowd in an attempt to say hello but he got nothing in return.

"You? You the friend of my little girl?" came the same voice, only this time a giant of a man stepped into the middle of the room, still coming towards Ryan.

Apparently this was Marissa's father and standing 6'6'' with white hair and moustache to match, along with a large belly and arms the size of Ryan's head, he was rather intimidating. The scowl he wore on his face was the worst as his voice rang through the room, sounding like a gavel had just been banged to signify the decision.

"Yes sir, I'm Ryan," he responded, doing his best to keep his voice strong as he held out his hand in greeting.

"Come with me," the larger man spoke, snapping his fingers which caused three of the men in the room to stand up and follow.

Ryan trailed the group out of the room and down a hallway, not sure about what was taking place but with no vehicle to run to, he didn't see any other choice but to obey. They had seemed like a good family while he was waiting for the door to open and Marissa was great, but that did little to ease his fear when they began descending down a flight of steps into a dark basement.

A string was pulled and suddenly a light bulb dangling from the ceiling tried its best to provide some light to the room but failed miserably. Ryan instantly began remembering horror movies that had less of a scary setting and thought about fleeing back up the steps and hailing a cab back to the hotel once he had put a few miles between him and this place but hands grabbed him at that moment. A set of hands had a hold of each arm and a third set was holding his shoulders down, panic spreading through his body instantly. He did not like to be contained, especially in a dark unfamiliar environment by complete strangers. He squirmed, trying to see how strong of a hold they had on him but stopped as he heard her father's footsteps begin coming towards him, the man still surrounded in darkness.

"So you think you can date my daughter huh?" he heard and then what sounded like a click of a shotgun as the barrel was snapped into place.

Ryan's Chino days had been long ago and while he hadn't fought in years, he still kept in great shape. Instincts had been embedded in him which was the only reason he survived the streets of Chino as long as he did before Sandy and Kirsten had saved him and he found that they arose rather quickly inside of him.

His left arm was being held rather loosely, not as firm a grip as his right arm was being held and he yanked it out of the guy's grasp, bringing it back so that his elbow landed with a crunch into the man's face. The movement had only taken three seconds, the other people in the room not having enough time to respond and Ryan took the opportunity, spinning around so that he landed a left hook into the man who was holding his right arm. He felt the connection, his knuckles splitting at the contact but didn't waste any time seeing how good he landed the hit. Both arms were free and when he had spun, he broke from the grip of the man behind him, now facing him. He used his right arm, the one that held more power, and swung it into the man's gut, forcing him to double up and fall to his knees. His escape route to the steps now clear, he took them three at a time until he was to the top, trying to remember which way to turn so that he could get the hell out of this place when he collided with Marissa in the hallway.

"Ryan!" she said in shock, noticing the look on his face.

"This wasn't a good idea," he said, trying to break free but she held on tightly, pushing him up against the wall.

"Did my father and brothers take you downstairs? They were only kidding Ryan, they think it's funny for some reason to take new people down there," she said, laughing as she put a hand gently to his face, her eyes twinkling as she looked up at him, "I think they got an understanding of how much you meant to me when I called to tell them you were coming. It's just their way of seeing what kind of a reaction they can get out of you before they welcome you into the family."

"Shit," Ryan mumbled, taking a few deep breaths to calm down his racing heart as Marissa's words sunk in.

"Come on," she said, giving him a quick kiss before grabbing his hand and leading him back the way he had just come running from, "They'll be down there laughing about how you ran away and give you a hard time about it for a little while but it's easier to face them now then to wait until we're upstairs."

Ryan wasn't so sure about going back down there, not because he was scared anymore as he had just been but because he didn't want to see the damage he had caused. Before he had a chance to explain to Marissa what had just happened though, she was pulling him down the steps.

"Daddy, if you have that shotgun in your hands when I get down there you won't be getting a Christmas present from me this year!" she yelled.

When they reached the bottom of the steps she let out a gasp, the basement now completely lit, and then started laughing. Her three brothers were still on the floor, one holding his stomach, the other his jaw, while the third was using his shirt to try and stop the bleeding from his nose. Ryan stood behind Marissa surveying what he had just done, not sure how to react but when he heard her laughing at the sight of them he relaxed, knowing that she wouldn't be mad at him.

"It's about time you guys got what you deserved from doing this," she said, tears forming in her eyes as she continued laughing.

"I'm really sorry," Ryan said, stepping around Marissa as he offered his hand to the brother he hit in the gut.

He nervously looked over at her father who had just come rushing back out of a room, no doubt hiding the gun Marissa had warned him she didn't want to see. Even though he knew he wouldn't get any hard feelings from her, he still didn't want her family mad at him considering it was his first impression.

"Daddy?" Marissa said questioningly, her hands now resting on her hips as she stared the man down.

"Merry Christmas hunny," he said, a large smile plastered on his face.

"Don't 'Merry Christmas hunny' me," she replied back, "Care to tell me why my boyfriend nearly ran me over in the hallway upstairs and these three look like they just escaped a bar fight?"

"Honestly, no," her father said, still trying to smile at his daughter as she glared at him, "I was in the back room and …"

"Oh cut the crap Dad," she said, going over to give him a big hug, "You thought you'd tried to scare Ryan and instead you guys got what has been coming to you for years."

"I'm sorry sir," Ryan said as he stood there, not sure what else he could say.

"Ryan, it's nice to meet you," her father said, coming over to him and shaking his hand, "Don't worry about it, we've just never had somebody actually fight back before."

Ryan was introduced to her three brothers who were now all standing and giving him sheepish looks as if the joke was now on them. He was relieved to see that they didn't hate him for what had happened, in fact, they all apologized to him about the situation. The six of them stayed downstairs for a little while, talking as drinks were passed around and getting to know one another, and Ryan finally began relaxing and enjoying himself.

When they knew that they couldn't remain hidden downstairs any longer as the rest of the family was still upstairs, they began making their way up the steps to join them. Ryan trailed Marissa's siblings, while Marissa and her dad remained just long enough to hear her father tell her, 'In all defense, you could have warned us you were bringing a fighter home' before laughing and following his daughter.

Ryan set his beer can down in the kitchen, noticing that his knuckles were still bleeding as he did so. He had forgotten about his hand and as he flexed his fingers Marissa noticed as well. She brought him into the bathroom, locking the door behind them while she stuck his hand under the water flowing in the sink.

"Does it hurt?" she asked, concern about his well being in her voice.

"I think I'll survive," he said, laughing at the fact that he was the one she was most concerned about, "So that's your family huh?"

"The guys anyway, I've got three sisters as well who are all married, their spouses all having gone through the same thing you just did and I'm sure you'll hear the horror stories later but I have a feeling you'll be able to better them with yours. How'd you learn how to fight like that anyway?"

"I grew up in a rough neighborhood as a kid," he explained, smiling as she dried his hand off and then kissed it.

"Better?" she asked, looking up at him.

"Much," he responded, leaning down so that he could return the favor.


	6. Chapter 6

**Thanks to **Ansy Pansy aka Panz, newportgirl22, Girlz-Rule, Juzzy88, kursk, and Brook-Lucas-Fan-23 **for the reviews, let me know what you think of this one, just a little filler post as the story continues.**

Ryan was lost in the moment, his lips melded with Marissa's as the bathroom began heating up. He couldn't believe that after all this time of imagining this exact thing he was actually living it and reality was definitely the better route. Just as her hands began to comb through his hair, Marissa pulling him closer to his body as the intensity picked up, they both heard a shout of 'Oh my god!' from somewhere inside the house and realized that her sister-in-laws had just seen their husbands.

Laughing, she kissed him again quickly before pulling away, her eyes sparkling as she starred up at him. Ryan couldn't remember ever being in love before so he had no idea what to expect but seeing the way she looked at him he now had a pretty good idea. He knew that if he looked into the mirror right now, his face would be the same as hers but he didn't want to tear his eyes away from her for a second.

"Come on, we've got to get in there before those guys come up with some story that turns you into the bad guy and them into victims," she said, making him wonder what kind of a family he would be spending the evening with.

Reluctantly he allowed her to pull him out of the bathroom to join her family, already wishing for Christmas to be over so that he could have her all to himself. When it came to her, he didn't care about being selfish; he loved every minute he could get with her. Somehow she had captivated him rather quickly and he wasn't sure how long he was going to be able to stay away again when it came time for him to go back home.

"Hey everyone, this is Ryan," Marissa introduced, not knowing that he had already been introduced once before, not caring how things had turned out after that very much.

She led him around the room, her hand always staying linked with his as she introduced each member of her family. Relatives of all kinds were there – aunts and uncles, grandmothers and grandfathers, cousins, nieces and nephews, and of course her brothers and sisters along with their spouses. He had never known that this large of a family got together for the holidays, not all at one time at least. Everyone of them smiled and either shook his hand or gave him a hug, another thing he was not use to doing with strangers but it seemed as if it were the normal thing to do in this household.

After he had met everyone, already having a hard time keeping their names straight, he settled in with Marissa as relatives came up to talk to them. Her hand never left the back of his waist, always pressing her body up close to him as she talked away. He loved how comfortable she felt around him, how good it felt to have her pressed up against him with it not feeling suffocating as some of his dates had been. With her, everything just seemed natural and came across easy for them, and soon he felt just like he had spent many Christmas' in the house with these people.

After supper Ryan began helping Marissa clear off the table but she wouldn't allow it. She pushed him out of the kitchen, grabbed his coat with a smile, and shoved him out the door. He was confused as she shut the door on him but after turning around he quickly became a little nervous. The guys were setting up outside lights so that the snow covered yard was lit up and he realized that a game of football was about to be played.

They yelled for him to join them, which was almost a given as he had been shut out of the house, hoping that nothing would happen compared to the early incident. Teams were picked out quickly and before long he found he was enjoying himself playing a game of tackle football in a snowy yard in Iowa, something he had never before experienced. Before long, once the dishes were cleaned and put away, the women came out and the next thing he knew was landing in the snow with laughter ringing in his ear.

He turned around, brushing the snow off of his face to see Marissa on top of him, grinning wickedly. In the blink of an eye, she shoved a handful of snow into his face before jumping up and running quickly away, screaming as she saw him chase her. As they went around the house, navigating their way through deep banks of snow, he finally caught up to her and they landed in the fresh powder together.

He brushed the hair out of her face as she lay on top of him, their cheeks red from the cold and running. It was instances such as this one, where she looked down on him and gave him her famous smile that he now realized he lived for. Moments when she could act like such a little kid and then the next be gazing into his eyes and stealing his breath away. She leaned down, joining their lips together as they laid in the snow, their breaths rising like smoke signals in the air.

"How's Christmas going for you?" she asked as he caressed her face with his thumb.

"Best Chrismakkuh ever," he answered.

…

The next few days flew by for them, becoming inseparable as they knew that their days were numbered. They took Mya with them sledding and building snowmen, something that she loved once they got the hang of it. In the afternoons they would snuggle up underneath a blanket and watch movies as his little girl took a nap, using the most of their time together. At night Seth and Summer would come back from their adventures for the day and watch Mya so that Ryan and Marissa could go out, just the two of them.

For Ryan, it was perfect, the happiest that he had felt in a long time as he watched Mya and Marissa playing and laughing together, watching both of their faces light up just before they burst into giggles. The two of them had bonded just as quickly as he had with Marissa but tomorrow that would all be ending and he hated to think of going back home.

"So what do you want to do tonight?" he asked after they had tucked Mya in and watched her fall asleep while reading a bedtime story.

"Anything that involves you in it," she replied, placing a hand on his face as she lowered it down to give him a kiss.

"Get a room you two," Seth called out from the couch where he and Summer were watching a movie.

"We're in a hotel asshat and you should start taking notes on how cute those two are if you ever plan on getting a room," Summer told him, her hands wrapped underneath the blankets so she was unable to attack him physically.

"I think getting a room maybe a good idea," Marissa whispered to him, her hands going around his waist, "Maybe we could just go back to my place tonight, watch a movie…"

"I refuse to watch The Notebook again," Ryan said quickly, having seen the movie one to many times for his liking.

"But it's so adorable," she pleaded, pouting as she starred up at him with big sad eyes.

"If it's so adorable, then why do I fall asleep before it is over every time?" he argued, though he knew that he would lose the battle, she could get him to do anything she wanted at any time.

They said good-bye to Seth and Summer and then drove to her apartment. He starred out the window, passing by the scenery that had become familiar to him over the last few days. Everything around here was beginning to become familiar and comfortable, something that had surprised him which only made leaving tomorrow that much more difficult.

"Why the long face Ry?" Marissa asked, noticing he was more silent than usual.

"Just thinking," he replied, not wanting to get her into a depressed mood also.

"About how you guys are leaving tomorrow?" she continued, the thought also on her mind for most of the day.

"Yeah."

"So how are we going to try and do this?" she asked, parking her car into her spot, turning so that she was now facing him, "Last time we didn't even make it a day without a fight and then you had to ship half your family over here. I don't think that will work every week."

"Probably not," Ryan said, getting out of the car so that they could continue their discussion inside where it was warm.

Within minutes they had raced inside her apartment, the bitter air too much to handle for even a short amount of time this evening. They had shed their coats and traded them in for a large blanket on the couch, Marissa pressing her back against his chest as he rubbed her arms. After awhile she leaned her head against him, settling in while lost in their own thoughts. Both wanted to forget about it, to just spend the night with each other and worry about their problems later but both knew that it would be easier getting through this while in the others company.

"So…" Ryan began, figuring they should just get this over with but not knowing what else to say.

"We talk every day," she filled in for him, lacing their hands together, "and we answer when the other calls twenty times even if we're mad."

"I could probably escape for a weekend once a month, have you do the same," he offered, knowing that two weeks apart would be complete hell.

"You could pack up your business and move in with me," she said, turning around so that she was now laying down on top of him looking down into his eyes.

"I couldn't move Mya away from her family," he replied, knowing that he could run his business from anywhere as much traveling as it required but already having vowed that he would never separate Mya from the only family she would know.

"I know Ry, I wouldn't want you to," she said, placing a kiss on his lips, "I just want you to know that I want this to work, somehow we'll figure it out."

Somehow was the word that Ryan was apprehensive about. That word left a lot of room, something about it that was not definite. Somehow we'll figure it out, somehow things won't work out, somehow we'll be too busy with our lives to have one together, somehow, somehow, somehow. What he wanted was to be able to say that with out a doubt, no questions asked, no somehow but permanently they would be together and that nothing or no one would be able to stop them. That was what he wanted to say, what he wanted to hear but he knew that at this point they couldn't. He had a family back in California, a daughter to worry about, a business to run while she had her family and career back here in Iowa. Fate had allowed them to run into each other not once but twice, but now it seemed as if it was playing with them, dangling what they both really wanted in front of their faces but neither able to reach out far enough to grab it.


	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks to **newportgirl22, Juzzy88, Girlz-Rule, LongHardRoadOuttaHell, Brook-Lucas-Fan-23, kursk, Movies are our business, saxamofone, and snoopygal16 **for all the reviews. Since there were so many reviews I wanted to get this up right away so here you are and let me know what you think.**

Without warning, without any clues to be prepared, the Chrismakkuh season had ended and spring was in the air. Sitting back in his chair, frustrated at the plans that were lying out across his desk, Ryan finally noticed this as he stared out the window. Time was something that a person could not control, either it came too fast or went too slow and as he watched the scenery unfold outside in the world around him, he realized that for him, time seemed to rush by him like the traffic on the freeway while he stood off on the side watching.

His thoughts went back to Marissa as they frequently did, wondering what she was up to as they remained states apart. They hadn't seen each other in over a month, trying to keep the promise that two weeks was far too long but life was struggling to keep them apart. If it wasn't business for him it was Mya and if it wasn't work for her than it was family. She had been out only once to see him in California, spending a whole two days before having to fly back home. Since their Chrismakkuh trip, he had been back to Iowa three times but never for long enough. Somehow things kept popping up in their schedules that kept them apart, not allowing them more than a day to be with each other and after the airplane trip to and from, it left little time to actually be together.

They did manage to keep a few of their promises though, calling each other daily and both struggling to make it work between them. Ryan now knew that he was completely in love with her; there was no denying that facts if there ever had been a chance, but he knew that it wasn't suppose to be like this. He didn't think that love had to be such a challenge, trying to make it constantly work. He wanted to come home in the evenings to see her face, wrap his arms around her while they slept each night after making love, her face the first thing that he saw each morning when he arose. That was what he wanted, not a long distance relationship that now seemed to be only a few minutes on the phone each night before they had to continue on with their separate lives.

The frustration for him was starting to build, the worrying now occupying more and more of his time. He looked back down at the designs, hoping to throw himself into his work both to get it done and to forget about his troubles if only for a little while but it was hopeless. He knew that he wasn't going to get anything done today sitting in his office with only his thoughts for company, his mind having become his worst enemy lately, so he slipped back on the sports coat he wore to the office, told his secretary that he would be gone for the rest of the afternoon, and drove towards home.

The weather was warming up, even though the ocean would still be cold to play in, but he decided that he would go pick up Mya and spend the rest of the day at the beach. She was growing up way too fast for him, the one thing that time actually was trying to speed up in his life was the one thing that he wanted to pause. She would be turning three soon and he knew that it was only a few blinks of the eye before she would be turning eighteen. Eighteen he might be able to handle, she would be an adult, able to make her own decisions as she entered the world but it was the few years before then that really had him concerned, specifically dating years. He tried to tell himself that she was only three, they still had years before it came to that, but for some unknown logic his brain couldn't wrap around that. He was terrified that if he turned around her curiosity in boys would begin and that was something that as a dad he was not yet ready to face. He wasn't sure if he would ever be ready for the talks, the boys coming over to pick her up, worrying about her if for some unknown reason he ever allowed her to go out on a date. For now though, he was going to spend some time with his TWO year old, at the beach during the time when her favorite guy to hang out with was her dad.

"Hey Munchkin, I'm home early!" he yelled as he entered his house, "How does the beach sound today?"

He listened for a reply, for any sound as the house was eerily quiet. Between Seth and Mya, there was hardly ever a moment of silence and as much as he prayed for just that at times, today it just felt uncomfortable. Today was the day he needed noise, needed for his daughter to come racing around the corner squealing in her high pitched voice as she ran into his legs, needed the television turned up loudly as Mya and Seth fought over the remote even louder, needed something to distract him from missing Marissa so much.

He carried his briefcase into the kitchen, setting it down on the table as he looked around hoping to find some explanation on why nobody was home. Summer was always good about leaving a note when she left with Mya, Seth well, he was just Seth and Ryan couldn't remember who was going to be home with her this afternoon. He knew that he shouldn't be getting worried; his two friends very mature and protective of his daughter, but still his heartbeat began racing just a little. Something didn't feel right today, something was off and just as he reached for his cell phone to call Seth and Summer, he heard a little giggle escape from up the steps.

Turning around quickly in hopes of catching the person who had just let onto their game, he saw the steps were empty and he raced up them, not wanting to have to check every room of their upstairs. He could hear the little pitter patter of feet as they raced quickly down the hall but as he reached the top of the stairs, the hallway was empty. He immediately went down to Mya's room, opening the door to find out where she was hiding and stopped.

"Hey Daddy, how was youw day?" Mya asked, sitting innocently on her bed with her hands folded down in her lap.

"My day was just great," he smiled, scanning the room for the adult that was suppose to be with her, "What are you doing just sitting in your room and more importantly, who's home with you?"

"Seth and Sum had to go out," the little girl explained, a large smile emerging on her face.

"I'm going to kill them," Ryan mumbled, replacing his glare with a smile for his daughter's benefit as he went to pick her up, "Why don't you get ready for the beach while I give your uncle and aunt a call quick?"

The little girl shrieked her approval, going to the beach one of her favorite things to do, right up there with shopping with Summer, as she raced into her closet to grab her things. Ryan's anger flared up at the thought of his friends leaving his daughter alone when they had both agreed to watch her this week, turning around to go downstairs and grab his phone so that he could give them a piece of his mind. He made it two steps before noticing a presence, lifting his head up and his heart stopped for a moment after seeing who stood in the doorway.

"Miss me?" she asked, trying to conceal the smile that was threatening to spread across her face as she saw the anger in his quickly evaporate into shock.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, his voice in a whisper as the surprise of seeing her standing mere feet in front of him still having control of his body.

"Lets just say that this last month hasn't been very productive," she said, the smile breaking across her face as she walked over to him, "I missed you and decided that a vacation was long overdue."

She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him into her as their lips joined. All of his frustration, tension, worries melted away as her lips pressed into his. He knew that he had missed her, that was obvious from the last few weeks, but he hadn't realized how badly as their bodies pressed against each other, craving the contact they had been without for so long.

"Do you like youw suwpwise Daddy?" Mya asked, emerging from the closet as she saw the two adults kissing.

"Very much so," he responded, lifting her up into his arms as he wrapped his two favorite girls into a tight embrace.

…

"Ryan, you awake?" a voice floated softly into the bedroom, stirring Ryan out of the best sleep he had experienced in awhile, "Ryan…RYAN!"

"Seth, it's six-thirty in the morning," Ryan mumbled, wanting to go back to sleep as he lifted his weary head up off of the comfortable pillow, noticing Marissa still wrapped tightly in his arms.

"Don't have time for sleep today my friend, we've got a stealth mission to prepare for," Seth said, tip-toeing farther into the room, "Quickly and quietly get dressed and meet me outside in oh-one hundred or oh-three… just meet me in ten minutes downstairs."

The last thing in the world that Ryan wanted to do was get dressed and head downstairs for a stealth mission meeting with Seth when Marissa was curled into his arms for the first night in what felt like years. He wanted to lie like he was for hours, days, weeks just as long as he didn't have to let go but Seth pulling the covers off of him and Marissa stirring in his arms got him up. Just because his brother was a pain in the ass and was forcing him to wake up at this ridiculous time didn't mean that she should have to be bothered while on her vacation.

He slipped on some sweats and a wife beater, made his way down to the kitchen and poured himself a cup of coffee before heading outside to sit on the patio where Seth was waiting, impatiently tapping his foot as he glanced around to make sure they were alone. Ryan loved his brother but it was times like these that he was happy Sandy and Kirsten didn't have anymore sons.

"Seth, I swear that if you don't have an explanation that warrants getting me out of bed this early you will suffer consequences worse than Summer's black-out rages," Ryan mumbled, sucking down the hot, steamy liquid in an attempt to wake up.

"Ryan, my friend, brother, of course I've got an explanation," Seth rambled, his eyes darting everywhere but on Ryan.

"I didn't say an explanation, I said one that's good enough," Ryan warned, glaring at his brother.

"Ryan, I've come to love these Seth/Ryan times we share and I just thought that this morning would be a good time to have one, we haven't bonded in such a long time and now that Marissa is here we'll have even less time and I've got a deadline coming up in a few days that wow, only a few days now and-"

"Seth, what do you want?" Ryan said forcefully, bringing Seth's rant to an immediate halt.

Seth opened his mouth and then clamped it shut again just as quickly. Instead of speaking, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a black jewelry box and handed it over to Ryan. With a questioning look, Ryan opened it up and saw that inside was a huge brilliant diamond ring that sparkled in the early morning sun. Suddenly Ryan knew why Seth was rambling worse than normal and he quickly shut the box before anyone else could see.

"Sorry Seth but I'm with Marissa and well, you're really not my type at all but I'm flattered," Ryan said, enjoying seeing Seth squirm in his seat.

"Ryan, I've told you this a million times already, I'm the funny one not you," Seth said, stuffing the box back into his pocket.

"So you're going to pop the question," Ryan said, trying to lead Seth to open up a little more, "How long have you been hiding this?"

"About a week now and it's killing me," Seth confessed, surprising Ryan that he had gone this long, "I was going to wait until the deadline but I can't anymore, it's got to be tonight and I don't know what to do."

"Getting down on one knee always seems to work," Ryan offered, proposing defiantly not an area of expertise for him.

"Ryan, this has to be huge, spectacular, enormous," Seth said, "This is going to be something Summer remembers for the rest of her life and if I don't do something completely amazing, she might not even say yes. Oh god, what if she doesn't say yes, I hadn't thought about that. Do you think she'll say yes? What if I get down on my knee and she laughs at me? Is this too soon? Oh god."

"Seth, shut up," Ryan remarked, not for the first time wondering what went on in his brother's head, "She'll say yes, you guys have been together forever. Just leave the house this morning before you blow it and Summer finds out. I'll ask Marissa for some suggestions and then give you a call."

"I knew you'd come through," Seth replied, his breathing having returned to normal, "You always come through in a pinch,"

"GO!" Ryan nearly yelled, not wanting to sit through another ramble as he pointed out the door, the only thing he wanted yet was to slide back into bed so he could have Marissa in his arms again.

"Good point," Seth said, giving him a thumbs-up as he tried to sneak his way back inside, using stealth moves like he was in hostile territory which Ryan could see being the case if he didn't hurry.

…

Ryan propped himself up on his elbows, the sun's rays hitting his body as he watched out of the sunglasses at his daughter building a sand castle. The moment was perfect, spending the day at the beach with the two girls he loved most in the world, a smile appearing on his face as he looked over to watch Marissa laying out on her towel. Just being able to look over and see her beautiful face whenever he wanted was enough to make him content after having been away from her for the last month. This was what he wanted right here, the three of them able to share their time together and do things instead of describing what went on in their lives over the phone.

He watched a smile break out on her face as she flipped her sunglasses up, noticing that he was starring at her. She leaned over, joining their lips together as they melted into a world of their own where it was only them on the beach, expressing their feelings with deep, passionate kisses. He wanted the moment to last a lifetime, knowing that he could never have enough of her and that triggered in his mind the morning conversation with Seth that had been forgotten until now.

"What would make a good proposal?" Ryan asked as he reluctantly pulled away, knowing that by now Seth was probably having a nervous breakdown somewhere.

"Are you thinking of popping the question?" she asked, her eyes wide with surprise as her heart sped up.

"NO, no I mean," Ryan said quickly, realizing what she was thinking, "Seth woke me up this morning and wants to propose to Summer tonight. I told him that I would talk to you about some suggestions and call him back but I forgot until now and"

"And you're rambling just like Seth," Marissa cut in, finding his blushing cheeks adorable even though she realized that she was a little disappointed that it would be Summer and not her.

"I am, aren't I?" he agreed, wondering what she would have said if he really had been asking for her hand in marriage.

"Ry, it's okay really," she said, taking his hand into hers, "When our time comes you won't have to be nervous about what I'll answer but first I think we need to work out the living in separate states issue."

"You think our time will come?" he asked nervously, never considering marriage too seriously before even though many of his thoughts had been about the three of them.

"I didn't take my first vacation in years to fly down here and waste it on some guy that I'm not in love with," she teased, "If two people are in love and they can make things work between them, then marriage only strengthens that bond they have formed. So what do you think for Summer?"

Ryan listened to her talk about a few ideas, the words getting to his ears even though he couldn't hear them. Instead he was thinking about what she had just said and the feelings that had come alive in him from her words. Now that he focused his attention on marriage, he knew that he wanted her in his life permanently but could that work with everything that was separating them?


	8. Chapter 8

**Thanks to **Brook-Lucas-Fan-23, Movies are our Business, vacant3by4, kursk, RJMoonspell4, LongHardRoadOuttaHell, Juzzy88, newportgirl22, Girlz-Rule, lacquer, saxamofone, tines, drumstiix, and primadonna001 **for all the reviews. Couldn't believe how many people reviewed after just one day of the post so wanted to get this one up quickly to keep the interest in the story going, let me know what you think!**

"So thanks for coming through for me yesterday," Seth said quietly to Ryan from across the table they were sitting at in the diner, being serious for once, "You know how well I handle pressure situations and it's good to know that you have my back when I need you."

"Anytime Seth," Ryan accepted, glad that his brother had gone through with the proposal and even happier that she had accepted though there had been no doubt.

He looked over to see the two girls talking wildly about the wedding plans, every once in awhile starring at Summer's ring and then giggling before continuing on. They were excited, to say the least, and Ryan watched as Marissa's face glowed when talking about the wedding. Ever since last night the topic had been on his mind and he could see while she talked that being married was something that was very important to her. He never knew for sure if little girls actually imagined their wedding like they said they did, having dreams like that in Chino just didn't happen, but he was sure the two women sitting with him had fantasy after fantasy about their dream wedding.

Even with the nervousness of seeing Marissa so thrilled about a wedding and their talk the other day at the beach, Ryan was genuinely happy for Seth and Summer. From where they had started with her not even knowing his name or that he existed and becoming the couple they were today was an accomplishment worthy of marriage. They deserved to be happy for all the trials and tribulations they had experienced in their dating stage and Ryan knew that what they shared between them was real and would last, not just a spur-of-the-moment Newport wedding for social status or riches.

Kirsten had been ecstatic after hearing the news, crying instantly which had caused Summer and even Marissa to shed some of their own tears while Sandy called for a celebration. Mya wasn't sure what all the commotion was going on between the adults but after hearing that she would get to be a flower girl and wear a new dress she was just as happy as the rest of them. Now the four were out for a night on the town, stopping by the diner first for a bite to eat. Ryan's thoughts went back to how Marissa had fit right in with his family and how they had accepted her immediately, almost as if she had always been there. Now with the four of them sitting there, no more third wheel for himself, the conversation flowing he began wondering if it was time for the next step for him as well. Everything seemed perfect with her here in his life and he didn't want to think that in a week or two she would have to leave it.

"Ry…Ry are you even listening?" Marissa's voice finally broke through his thoughts, bringing him back to the present moment.

"Sorry," he said sheepishly, having no idea what had been asked of him.

"Hey," she said softly, leaning in closer to him as she placed a hand on his cheek, "Are you alright? You've seemed a little out of it today."

"I'm fine," he assured her, "Just have some things on my mind lately."

"Ryan? Thoughts going through your mind?" Seth joked, butting into their conversation, "I have a feeling we'll be having some serious Seth/Ryan time coming up!"

"Seth/Ryan time?" Marissa asked, darting her eyes back and forth between the two men, "Do I even want to know?"

"Cohen here can't make a decision or analyze a situation so he has to go run off and talk to Ryan for advice and to get his thoughts straight," Summer informed her, smiling lovingly at her new fiancée, "By the way Ryan, I suppose I should thank you for the proposal since I know that some Seth/Ryan time was logged before he actually did it."

"Don't thank me," Ryan replied, never one to bask in the spotlight, "I just told him to get out of the house and then Marissa came up with the rest."

"Well then thank you Marissa," Summer said, causing the two girls to get lost into their own conversation once again.

"Am I ever going to get any credit?" Seth whined to no one in particular, the comment being ignored by the women.

"Welcome to the married life," Ryan replied to him, smiling as Seth groaned at the thought.

Later on that night the group was walking along the beach, just staying out of reach of the tide that was rolling into shore. Seth and Summer were walking far enough in front of Ryan and Marissa that they could only see their dark outlines, the moon hidden behind the clouds. She slipped her hand into his, her head resting on his shoulder as they took their time, each wanting only to hold each other. Ryan loved how comfortable she was with him, simple gestures such as what she was doing now that showed him where they stood. With all the time being apart, not having much time in each other's company, it didn't matter with them. He loved the closeness of her, the smell of her hair, and the feel of her skin. In a short amount of time they had sped up the process of getting to know one another and their feelings had grown just as quickly. At first everything had happened so rapidly there wasn't time to think but once he did sit down and catch his breath to wonder if things were progressing too swiftly, it was too late. He was head over heels in love with her by that time and there was nothing he could do to prevent that.

"Summer seems really excited," Marissa commented softly, thinking of how their hands fit perfectly together, how his shoulder seemed carved for her head to rest on it.

"It's been a long time coming," Ryan said, staring out into the water, "We were beginning to wonder if Seth would ever work up the courage to ask her." 

"I like it here, I think I could get use to nights like this one," she said, looking up to see what type of reaction she would get out of him.

He stopped walking, looking deep into her eyes as she stopped as well to see if she truly believed that. He now knew more than ever that she belonged in his life here in California but he didn't want to be the one to rip her away from her family and friends back home. When it came down to it, it would have to be her decision and not his otherwise it would never work between them. She smiled up at him, waiting for him to say anything in response to her words, waiting for him to commit to the next move.

"How serious are you about that?" he asked, holding his breath as he waited for her answer.

"That depends on how serious you are about us Mr. Atwood," she said smiling, amused with how nervous he could be about certain things in their relationship at times.

"Would you really leave everything behind in Iowa to come live here?"

"There comes a point Ry when a person has to stop looking at the past and start looking toward the future," she said, cupping his face in her hands, "I want that future, my entire future, to be wherever you and Mya are."

Ryan became lost in her eyes, a feeling of joy he had only experienced once before when holding Mya for the first time overcoming him. Even if what she had said was unintentional, she had included and accepted his daughter into her life without hesitation and that alone was enough of a sign for him. Who could have ever imagined that a kid from Chino would wind up in Iowa and find his soul mate, who at this moment was more beautiful and caring than Ryan ever thought possible in a person.

"Will you move in with us Riss?" he asked, knowing she would answer yes after what she had just said but still anxious for her to confirm his assumption.

"It's about damn time you asked," she replied just before she leaned up to engage in what became the most romantic, passionate kiss either had experienced before.

…

The next two weeks became a blur of announcements and celebrations. Everyone was finally relieved to see Ryan taking the next step, having seen the way Marissa made him feel. There was a time not that long ago when they weren't sure if he would ever be able to open up and love someone and as Seth had pointed out on many occasions, even a blind man could see how in love the two of them were.

After they had finally agreed to take the next step that night on the beach, they had set Mya down and explained the situation to her. Ryan knew that his little girl was more than attached to Marissa already but seeing her expression of joy and squeals of delight upon the news put the final worry at rest that they were making the right decision. Unfortunately Marissa still had to go back to Iowa to finalize things there such as her job and family and apartment so they enjoyed her time with them as much as possible before she had to go back. They took trips to the beach, to the park, even shopping which Ryan hadn't minded so much because she was there with them. Her departure was always in the back of his mind but he knew that this time it was only temporary, in a few short weeks she would be back and they would never have to leave each other's side. All of the things that they experienced during her vacation they would be able to do whenever they chose and for the first time in what seemed a lifetime, Ryan Atwood finally felt like his life was on the right path. He was not just content anymore but genuinely happy and surrounded by people who he loved and even better, loved him back.

"Is Chrismakkuh coming anytime soon?" Seth complained, walking into Ryan's office unannounced and falling down into the chair on the other side of Ryan's desk.

"Seth, I've got a million things to get caught up on here," Ryan replied, hoping to cut his brother's rambling off before he got started, motioning to the piles of paperwork that covered his desk from his time off with Marissa.

"I mean, can a Chrismakkuh miracle only happen during the Chrismakkuh time?" Seth continued on, not even hearing Ryan.

"Seth, lets skip the guessing games and long-winded talks today and just come out and say what's bothering you," Ryan said sternly, knowing that he wouldn't be left alone until this problem was sorted out.

"Summer is driving me completely insane with the wedding plans!" Seth groaned, throwing his arms up in the air dramatically.

"Did you propose to her?" Ryan asked.

"Yes."

"Do you love her?"

"Yes."

"Do you want to marry her and spend the rest of your life with her?"

"Of course."

"Good, now suck it up and get the hell out of my office so that I can get some work done today," Ryan told him, focusing his attention back onto the papers in front of him.

"Ryan, she'll eat me alive if I go back home. If she keeps this up, I don't know if I'll make it to the wedding. My body's too fragile for this type of abuse, I can only take so much," Seth whined like a toddler.

"Seth, if you want to marry Summer, you're just going to have to get through this engagement period and after that she'll settle down again," Ryan informed him, wondering who would get their hands around Seth's neck first – him or Summer.

Ryan's phone began ringing, saving him from another excuse that was about to come out of Seth's mouth. He listened to the caller fire out words rapidly on the other line, his mind taking longer for them to sink in and understand what she was saying. He could feel the color drain from his face, the phone dropping from his hand seconds before it crashed onto his desk and bounced to the floor. He jumped out of his chair, Seth following just as quickly without knowing what was going on, just that it looked bad, and the two raced out of the office.


	9. Chapter 9

**Thanks to **Movies are our Business, RJMoonspell4, LongHardRoadOuttaHell, Juzzy88, Westcoastlover08, Girlz-Rule, saxamofone, tines, and kursk **for all of the reviews. Here's another post for you so let me know what you think.**

Ryan's grip tightened even harder on the steering wheel, his knuckles white as the vehicle sped down the freeway towards his destination. He knew that he was driving way too fast, swerving in and out of the traffic as other cars honked or gave him their sign of displeasure, but it wasn't fast enough. He didn't want to think of what he heard, of what the outcome could be, only that he needed to get there quickly so that she would know he would make everything alright. That was what he did, made sure that the people around him were protected from all harm, that nothing would ever hurt them and he was terrified that this time there might not be anything that he could do.

There had been a time in his life when he would jump into a crowd of four or five guys, swinging blindly and wildly to save a friend of his without hesitation or thought. He would give a stranger the shirt off his back if they needed it, he was giving back to the community now that he had the opportunity to do so, and yet bad things continued to happen to those around him. He was cursed, destined to live a life where people who got too close to him suffered because of it and the thought of that made him want to cry, scream, and punch somebody all at one time.

Wondering what he had done wrong in his life to deserve this, he nearly missed his exit and cut across three lanes, narrowly avoiding the traffic. Seth had remained quiet during the joy ride out of fear from driving wildly and fear of knowing. Once he saw the exit to where they were headed though, he had a little clearer picture of what was happening and that was enough for his nerves to kick-in to overdrive.

Ryan squealed the tires going sharply around the corner, once again as he found a parking spot near the front entrance, and was out of the car racing across the parking lot before Seth had even unbuckled his seatbelt. Everything had been going right for him in his life, it was all beginning to come together for him and now his whole life could become unraveled as he pushed through the front doors.

He looked around, trying to see where he should go or if he recognized any faces as Seth finally caught up to him, resting a hand on Ryan's shoulder as he leaned over to catch his breath from the sprint. He still didn't know who or why but knowing that they were standing in the emergency room of the hospital told him it really didn't matter because no matter who or what, it was serious enough by the look on Ryan's face. He hardly ever saw his brother scarred, he was always the tough one when it came down to it, but Ryan's face revealed he was terrified at this moment and that said more than any words could.

"Hi, I'm looking for my daughter, Mya Atwood," Ryan told the nurse, pushing his way to the front of the line, "She came in with her aunt not too long ago."

"Down the hall to your right," the nurse answered after punching a few keys on her computer, wanting to give him a stern lecture about pushing past people who had been waiting a lot longer than him but also remembering the little girl who had been brought in.

Ryan raced down the hall the nurse had pointed him at, turned around the corner and nearly ran over a nurse who was exiting a room. She saw the concern on his face and after checking his name, pointed to the room she had just left before walking away. Now that he was here, Ryan wasn't sure if he was ready to go in or not. If he walked away, drove as far from the hospital as he possible could, would that make the situation go away? If he ignored it, would that mean that it didn't happen? He wanted to believe in that, he would fly across the world if it meant that, but he knew that wasn't the case. His daughter needed him and she would be here whether he chose to accept it or not.

Pushing the door open, he saw her pale face resting on the pillow, her eyes closed as the sheet was pulled up to her chin. Summer sat next to her on the bed, stroking her hair as she stared down at the little girl who was now asleep peacefully, tears still dropping from her face. She noticed Ryan and jumped up to hug him, the tears coming down faster before moving over to her fiancé so that Ryan could be by his daughter's side.

The first thing he noticed when he got near her was how pale her face was, blending in with the white sheets and pillow. If not for her shiny blond hair, a person might have walked by with no knowledge that a little girl lay there. His first instinct was to pick her up and run out of the hospital with her, back home to the comfort and safety of their house. He wanted to trade places with her, place his body underneath the sheets if the pain would transfer as well. She was only a little girl, she hadn't had the time in life to do anything that would warrant this but yet here he stood staring down at her while she slept.

"What do they think?" Ryan asked softly, almost whispering so that the answer would never reach his ears.

"They're not sure yet, they want to run some more tests," Summer explained, "We were just dressing up her dolls Ryan, honestly, and she tells me about not feeling good and the next second she's throwing up everywhere. I thought maybe it was just an upset stomach but there was blood and I, I, I…"

She broke down in Seth's arms as she relived the moments that had caused the four of them to gather here. She had been terrified at the house, panicking as she tried to focus on what she needed to do. Once the blood had become visibly she immediately grabbed Mya and ran to the car, calling Ryan on the way. The doctors checked her over but either wouldn't or couldn't give a diagnosis as to Mya's condition.

Ryan pulled a chair up to the side of the bed, tenderly placing one of his daughter's hands into his. Normally he was good under pressure, he was the guy to come to when there was a problem that needed to be solved or if the situation was intense but as he watched his little girl lying in a hospital bed with no answers, only the thought of her puking up blood, fear grabbed him and wound it's way tightly around his body. He would be strong though, he had to be for Mya's sake but that didn't mean that he couldn't be absolutely terrified from within.

…

"Mr. Atwood," a voice said within the room, Ryan glancing behind him to notice the doctor had entered, "I'm Dr. Fields. It's nice to meet you."

"Under different circumstances, the feeling would be mutual," Ryan replied, shaking the man's hand even though it was taking all of his strength to remain together and calm.

"I understand, why don't we just get down to it then?" Dr. Fields said, slipping behind his desk and he set a file folder down in front of him, "Mya's test results are in."

Ryan held his breath as he waited for the doctor to continue. This was the moment he had been praying for and dreading both at the same time. He wanted the doctor to look him straight in the eye and tell him that Mya was a perfectly normal, healthy little girl who could go home from the hospital at that moment and would live a long, normal, healthy life. He knew that after being in the hospital for three days that the chances of that happening were about as good as Newport becoming scandal-free and that was the reason he was dreading this talk. If you didn't know something than it was never a problem but once that problem was discovered and named, it became real.

"No offense Dr. Fields," Ryan interrupted after listening to the doctor talk for a little while, "I'm an architect, not a doctor so no more big words and medical terms. I want to know what the hell is wrong with my little girl in plain and simple English."

"Mya has cancer."

The words hit him squarely in the chest; an invisible force in the room that had gone unnoticed had wound back and knocked him so hard that he was having trouble breathing. The impact of what he had just heard was unlike anything he had ever experienced, worse than hearing his mom's drunken yells, the beatings from her boyfriends; the gang jumping that took place in a dark alley in Chino. He was fine with the psychical abuse that he had taken over the years, he was even to terms with the emotionally abuse to an extent but hearing his daughter and the word cancer linked together was like everything coming at him at once.

He looked up at the doctor, still seeing the man's lips moving but the words were inaudible to him. His senses crashed, his whole world crashed, and he fought back to keep the only thing in his body still working back – his tears. Sitting there with the room spinning he felt completely hopeless. This wasn't something that he could protect his daughter from, the very same person he had promised to always defend and be there for. He couldn't pay any dollar amount to God to take this away, he couldn't punch this with his fist to make it go away, and he couldn't sign any documents that would prevent this.

Ryan stood up from the chair slowly as he allowed his wobbling legs to steady before using them to walk across the room. He didn't care about what the doctor was still trying to tell him, he just needed to get out of this room that was suffocating him and escape somewhere until he could digest this. Just the thought of him being able to somehow come to terms with the news was enough to tip him over the edge he had been teetering on, his fist slamming into the wall as he reached the door. Finally he felt something, the pain in his hand bringing him back and he repeated the action just so that he knew he could still feel.

When the blood from his split knuckles appeared against the bright white wall he was currently using as a punching bag, he let his arm drop down to his side and opened up the door. He wasn't sure where he was going but he needed to get out of here, that much he knew, but as he was exiting the doctor's office he was nearly run over.

"Ry, I got here as fast as I could," Marissa said, out of breath from running down the hall so that she could be by his side.

She went to hug him, let him know that she would be there to help them get through whatever news he had just heard but he continued walking as if he didn't see her. She yelled his name a few times as she watched him walk away, his head hung low as his feet carried him along. The few seconds she had to look at his face she saw his eyes and how cold they were. She wanted to run after him, comfort him, do anything to help him but she thought back to his eyes and how scarred they looked.

"He'll come around," Summer said as she walked up to Marissa, having witnessed the interaction between them moments ago, "Chino just needs some time to deal with this on his own and eventually he'll open up a little for us to help."

"And if he doesn't?" Marissa whispered as tears welled up in her eyes.

"Let's go see Mya," Summer offered, placing her arm around Marissa's waist to lead her in the direction of Mya's room.

Her eyes flickered to the spot that Ryan had just disappeared from, silently wondering the same thing Marissa had just spoken. Chino had never been very good with expressing his feelings or letting other people help him with his problems, it had taken years for him to open up and even then it was only with a select number of people. She wasn't sure how he was going to react to this situation but if moments ago were any impression, she knew they would have to prepare for the worst.

…

Ryan sat down next to his daughter's bed, watching her as she slept on peacefully. He couldn't tell by looking at her that she was sick, she looked like the beautiful healthy kid she had always been but he knew that there was a war raging on in that little body of hers, a battlefield where he couldn't help. The moment she was put into his arms and he looked down at her he promised that he would do anything possible to keep her safe. For the first time he had experienced an unconditional love and now the only thing he could do was sit next to her and watch. Never before had he felt so hopeless, never before was he so scarred of losing someone and sitting next to her bed he broke down and cried.

He wasn't sure what kind of world allowed a child such as the one sleeping next to him to have to go through this but at the moment he hated the world and everything in it. There was nothing fair about the situation they were in, not when murderers and rapists roamed around free after their crimes yet innocent lives could be taken from a disease when they did nothing wrong. How could he explain to his daughter what was happening, why her body hurt and the possibility of not getting any better? How could he get her to understand when he didn't even himself?

He fought the anger rising up inside of him, wanting to release the rage that he was feeling but knowing that he had to remain calm for his daughter. What they were dealing with would be hard enough without her being scarred of his outbursts and the last thing she needed right now was to be scared of her dad. She would need him to be strong because she believed that he could do anything even though that belief had been shattered for him. At one time he did believe that he could do anything for her, that he could protect her from all evils but one doctor had proved that to be false.

His cell phone began vibrating on her nightstand again, the screen lighting up with an incoming call. Marissa's name appeared and after the phone switched over to his voice mail was replaced with fifteen missed calls. One part of him wanted her to come over and hold him as she told him everything would be alright but the other part, the bigger part in him, was so mad at the world and everyone in it right now that he didn't want any company. He wanted his daughter to get better, that was the only thing that he wanted right now and the only thing he would focus on until it became a reality.


	10. Chapter 10

**Thanks to **LongHardRoadOuttaHell, Juzzy88, RJMoonspell4, kursk, Girlz-Rule, saxamofone, tines, vacant3by4, and newportgirl22 **for all the reviews. Haven't been around much to update but things should start slowing down now. Let me know what you think!**

The following day Ryan found himself driving once again to the hospital though this time he was obeying all of the traffic laws and not upsetting any of the other drivers on the road. Last night had been an awakening for him as he stayed up through the hours of darkness watching his daughter sleep. Somewhere during the time he had realized that just because he couldn't fight this for her, didn't mean that he couldn't help her as she fought it. His little girl was still alive and she was an Atwood which meant that together the two of them were going to tackle this thing head on and eventually stomp the shit out of it.

The first thing he needed to do was to go back and consult with Dr. Fields. Yesterday after hearing the news everything else the doctor had been trying to tell him had been ignored and disregarded. He hadn't cared at that point what else there was to hear, only that his little girl had cancer. Today he was going to find out everything about her condition, what they needed to do to beat it, and then together the two of them would sit down and talk about what she would be going through. Today he was going to tell the world he was mad and to screw off.

He waited in the doctor's office waiting for Dr. Fields to come in while the replay of yesterday went through his mind. It had seemed like a lifetime ago when in reality it had been less than twenty-four hours and he hoped that the next few months would go by just as quickly so that this nightmare he was living in would be over. The roller coaster of emotions that had gone on through his body was too much for him to handle and he wasn't sure if he was strong enough for them to continue for months on end. Hearing the opening of the door he jumped out of his seat to see the man he was hoping to meet.

"Mr. Atwood, I'm sorry I couldn't squeeze you in any earlier," Dr. Fields commented as he walked up to Ryan.

"Dr. Fields, I want to apologize for my behavior yesterday. It was extremely uncalled for, the way I reacted and I want you to know that I'm going to try and get through this with more patience than I displayed yesterday," Ryan said as he shook the man's hand and then sat back down while the doctor went behind his desk.

"Ryan, unfortunately you were not the first parent that I've had to tell their child has cancer. I'm a father myself and even though I'm very well informed about this I'm not sure that I would have reacted any differently than you had," the doctor said, hating that part of his job, "Yesterday you heard that your daughter has cancer, the news frightened you, and you dealt with that fear in your own way. Today is the day we start becoming informed and coming up with a solution that will allow you to walk your daughter down the aisle of her wedding years from now."

For the next few hours Ryan listened intently to what the doctor had to say, gathering up all the literature that was given to him for future reading and asking all of the questions that came to mind. By the time he was done he felt a little relief now that he was more knowledgeable about Mya's disease and that there were different options on how to treat it. Now the cancer had a name which to him meant it was real but differently than the way he thought yesterday, that now meant that because it was real they could deal with it.

Driving home he tried to think of a way that he would be able to explain all of this to Mya and not worry her at the same time. He wasn't sure that he would have all of the answers to her questions but if they were going to fight this then she needed to be aware of what was going on. It was her body so it was only fair that he be honest with her but yet at the same time she was only a little girl, more importantly his little girl and fair would be to not allow children the suffering of cancer.

He opened his mouth to shout out that he was home and then closed it quickly. It had become a habit of his, loving how Mya would run from where ever she was at in the house to greet him at the door by jumping in his arms. She was sick though so he didn't want to wake her if she happened to be sleeping and that's when it hit him that this cancer was going to change their lives. She wouldn't be able to run into his arms every night when he arrived home because she would be too weak. The giggles and squeals that followed her as she ran would remain silent, the house would feel so empty without her energy flowing around and he collapsed onto the couch as tears entered his eyes again.

He couldn't remember crying in his life, certainly not this much and not this often about one thing but he couldn't stop himself. His world felt like it was crashing down around him, suffocating him to the point it was hard to breathe, and he didn't know how much longer he could go on like this. This wasn't their life, they had been through enough just to get to the point they were at and then this came at them. He wiped at his eyes thinking that he hadn't made much progress in the last day even though he had woken up this morning determined to be strong and brave.

"Mya's sleeping," Summer said as she walked down the steps, noticing Ryan sitting on the couch, "She's feeling a little better but says she's still tired."

"Thanks Sum for watching her," Ryan commented, the words coming out of his mouth without any thought from him.

"We're going to be here for the both of you Chino," Summer continued, sitting down beside him as she placed a hand on his knee, "All of us are going to help you guys get through this."

"What if we can't?" Ryan whispered, finally letting his worst fear escape his mind and form into words.

"She will," Summer said determinedly, "She's an Atwood and from the years of being with you I know that she'll be a fighter just like her dad and even if everyone gives up hope she'll continue on because that is what her dad does. You have always been the one person that never gives up hope Ryan, you'll do anything and everything in your power to make something work even if you don't get any help. You can't lose that focus now when you're daughter needs you the most. You can't give up when you haven't even started the fight."

"I'm not giving up Sum, I just don't know about having the strength it's going to take to endure this," he explained, rubbing his hands over his tired face.

"Then let other people help Ryan," Summer explained as she stood up, staring down at him on the couch, "You don't have to do it all alone. You have a family who loves you, you know Seth and I would do anything for you and Mya, and Marissa has been practically begging for a chance to help out. Don't carry the burden all yourself, let your family help."

"I know that you guys will help and I appreciate it. I just hate the feeling of this and don't want to put it on other people as well. As far as Marissa is concerned, I don't know if I'm ready now to try forming a relationship. I can't be there for my work and daughter and her as well right now."

"One, your not putting anything on us that isn't already there," Summer began, becoming close to a rage black out as she pointed her finger at him, "When we heard the news it was placed on us already because that little girl means the world to us all and two, you better figure things out with Marissa quickly because it won't be fair to her is she leaves her family and friends to move out here and you ignore her."

With that she left, leaving Ryan to his thoughts which were the last place he wanted to visit these days. He knew that he had some tough decisions to make and that they needed to be made rather hastily. He had all sorts of decisions, it was the answers that he was lacking and a feeling of helplessness took over him again. A guy who had turned a small time business into a million dollar corporation and shouted orders while making tough decisions on the fly was now just a scared, frightened man who wanted to run and hide from all of the questions that now surrounded him.

Standing up from the couch, his determination and will to succeed exhausted for the day already, he walked slowly up the steps to his daughter's room and laid down beside her. She looked healthy and peaceful as she slept, a concept that most people take for granted until that realization is shattered. He kissed her softly on the forehead so that he didn't disturb her and then settled down so that he to could recharge his body for the energy that they would need in the days to come.

…

Ryan woke up with the late afternoon shining down upon his face, for a moment not knowing where he was at or why he had fallen asleep in the middle of the day. When the cobwebs cleared he wished that they would form back, allowing him the lack of knowledge that had led him to falling asleep with his daughter while his cheeks soaked up the tears he had let out. Knowledge is power, at least that was what he had been told and believed, but sometimes it wasn't what it was cracked up to be. Sometimes being naïve worked just as good.

He made sure that his little angel was still resting soundly before walking back down to the kitchen in order to prepare a late lunch for her. Sleep was good for the body but he had to keep her eating and drinking so that her body had enough in it to keep fighting away. He would make her favorite meal, almost every kid's favorite meal, of Mac-and-cheese which he had perfected over the last few years. It was amazing how fast a person learned how to cook and cook quickly when a child was in the house.

Just as he began putting on the pot of water to boil before adding the noodles his cell phone began vibrating in his pocket and he answered it without looking at the caller id. He was surprised that he hadn't received numerous phone calls already today from the office but as he said hello the person on the other line who responded wasn't his secretary. It was the woman who he loved most in the world which just so happened to be the same one he had brushed aside for the last few days.

"Hi Ryan, it's me," she said quietly, not wanting to disturb the eggshells the two had been walking on lately.

"Hi," he responded as nothing better came to mind. He didn't know what he was supposed to say or how he could be fair to her with everything that was going on. He was just as confused now as he had been earlier which did little to help him prepare for the talk they both knew was inevitable.

"How's Mya doing?" she asked sincerely, the little girl already having a strong place in her heart.

"She's resting right now," Ryan replied, "I was planning on telling her what is going on tonight during supper."

"How are you?" she asked, her concern for him just as great as the one she felt for his daughter.

"I've been better, a lot better actually," he answered as he watched the water slowly began to bubble on the stove.

"I know this is hard on you and I'm sure that it will only continue to get tougher as Mya starts her treatments Ryan. I flew back home today, I'm in my apartment right now actually because I want to give you the room and space it looks like you need. I don't want to take away time that could be spent helping Mya get better but I don't want you to think that I'm running away from this either. You only have to say the word and I'll be on the next flight out there, my bags are packed and waiting by the door where they'll stay. I just don't want you to have to make another choice right now when you have too many more important ones to focus on," Marissa spilled out to him, her voice revealing that the tears were already sliding down her beautiful face.

"I'm sorry about this Marissa, I really am but I can't afford to not focus all of my attention and time on my daughter right now which would be very unfair to you if you moved out here. I think for the time being that maybe you should just stay up in Iowa until things can get back to normal here," Ryan heard himself saying, not knowing what words would come out of his mouth until he opened it.

"I'm sorry too Ryan but I can understand. Just do me a favor and give me a call when you get some time so that I can talk to Mya and see how everything is going," she said, her voice almost breaking down completely, "and if you ever need me, I meant it when I said I be on the next flight. I love you both Ryan."

Before he could respond he heard a click on the other end and then the dial tone filled his ears. A week ago he couldn't have been happier as the woman he fell in love with from the moment he saw her agreed to come live with him and his daughter so that they could start the rest of their lives together and now his daughter was battling for hers and Marissa was back home in Iowa. When he had run into her the second time at the mall he thought fate was looking out for the two of them, bringing them back together but now he saw it was just to play with them. Fate was nothing but a puppet master controlling the strings, dancing them around their lives to his enjoyment and just when things were looking good, tragedy became the next scene. He felt nothing more than a pawn in a horrible game where no matter how hard he tried or what he did, something higher up kept throwing problems at him.


	11. Chapter 11

**Thanks to **RJMoonspell4, newportgirl22, Girlz-Rule, tines, kursk, Juzzy88, and Movies are our business **for the reviews. Let me know what you all think of this one!**

The sky darkened, rolling thunderheads invaded the late afternoon threatening to erupt at any moment. The rumbling followed the sharp flashes of lightening coursing through the skies, the brilliant bolts of bright white light illuminating the surroundings for a few seconds each time. The winds began picking up speed, sweeping through the streets and carrying loose articles of trash across the town without regard to their safety. Rain would be coming shortly, large heavy drops that would pound the windows and shake the house but for now it held off.

Holding off was what Ryan was doing himself with his life and just like the storm that flew in with no warning, he wondered when he was going to erupt. For so long he thought he had been doing alright, slowly picking back up the pieces that constituted his life but that had all been a cover up. He had done such a good job of fooling everyone that he damn neared almost convinced himself as well but watching out the window as the sun lost it's battle with the thunderclouds and brought evening darkness upon them early, he felt like that storm. He wanted to just let go, let his problems and past pour out of him until they all disappeared but even then they would just regroup until they were large enough again for another storm to brew.

The rain drops began just like he knew they would, quickly pounding against the glass he stood in front of looking out. They started quickly, gaining in speed and intensity until the outside world was blocked out of view, the window now showing his reflection looking back at him. Not that long ago he had been a handsome man just turning thirty with a lifetime of happiness ahead of him. That man had been washed away and replaced by the man looking back at him now, a hollow face man who looked twenty years older than his age with no twinkle left in his eyes or smile upon his face. The last year had taken its toll on him, physically and mentally, and not for the first time did he wonder how long he could hold up like this. Age was just a number or so he had been told but if that was the case, he felt old enough for his death bed to be made and the covers pulled back, waiting only for him to lie down and call it a life.

He stepped back from the large pane of glass as the darkness lit up again, not because he was scared of the lightening that felt to be shooting down directly above his house but because he was terrified of seeing the man looking back at him again when the darkness returned. That man was a stranger to him and he didn't like the stranger's eyes boring into him. He didn't want to wonder why the man looked so sad or what could have caused him to fall so low in life that it looked as if he might be giving up. He didn't want to know the story because he had tried so hard himself to forget about it but like all things you truly want to forget, they have a way of slipping back into your memory and replaying over and over until you want to scream.

While Ryan was standing staring out at the freak storm that was engulfing the area, Seth and Summer were lying on the couch cuddled underneath a large blanket while watching a movie. Seth was at least watching it, Summer had long ago forgotten what or who was even involved as she watched Ryan. The last year had been horrible for him and as the lightening showed his face in the otherwise dark corner he was occupying, she worried about him. At first it seemed as if he had taken the positive road with Mya's condition and the upbeat attitude appeared to be working for the both of them. Mya still wasn't old enough to comprehend what cancer really was, only that it made her tummy hurt and she had to go to the doctor a lot to get checked out which helped because she didn't dwell on the negative aspect of it. The treatment she was receiving seemed to be taking control of the disease, the two of them remained positive about their situation, and all were hoping that life could return back to normal.

Unfortunately for all of them the happiness and go-lucky attitude didn't last very long. With no warning or explanation, the treatment started to lose its effect on Mya and the cancer began taking a hold of her body once again. Her health deteriorated, the hospital visits became more frequent until they began turning into overnight stays and then longer. The fear of something bad happening began seeping its way into her head and they struggled with how to tell her what could happen. By that point Ryan had lost it, no longer being able to watch his daughter cry out in pain or rushing her to the bathroom so that she could throw-up with a smile on his face and pretend that everything was alright. He began to shrink back into himself, becoming the scared teenage boy that had shown up one night in the Cohen's house. First the speaking became nearly non-existent which didn't cause too much concern, then his patience level dropped to a low, and eventually he just withdrew from everything and everyone. The only person that he seemed to speak to anymore was his daughter as if he didn't want to waste his breath or words on anyone else in case time ran out on them.

Summer watched him as he rubbed his hands through his hair, his jaw tightening up almost as if he wanted to cry but there were no more tears left inside of him to come out. She was scared for him, for Mya as well as her health continued to deteriorate, but she didn't want to imagine what would happen to Ryan if the worst possibility came true. She knew that as bad as things were now, that he would break if it came to that and as much as she loved him and thought of him not only as a true friend but family, she knew that she didn't want to be around at that moment. Because somewhere over the last few month's people's mindset had changed into not thinking if but when and the look on Ryan's face tonight said that his mind was switching over as well.

"Seth, go talk to Ryan," Summer said quietly, nudging her fiancé in the ribs as subtly as she could manage but still hard enough for Seth to let out a cry.

"Are you kidding me? I love the guy but every time I try and start up a conversation with him he looks like he's going to punch me," Seth whined to her, his eyes darting back and forth from the television set to where Ryan was standing in the dark.

"Seth, we have to talk to him about this instead of springing it on him," Summer continued, knowing that she had won every single argument the two of them had ever had, which amounted to plenty over the years they had been together, "We need to do it now so go!"

"It's your wedding, you go talk to him," Seth argued, the words slipping off his tongue before he could catch himself, knowing that they were the wrong words to be spoken out loud, "You know what, I'll go talk to him since it's OUR day."

"Good idea asshat," she said sarcastically as she slipped off of the couch and snuck out of the room before the conversation could take place.

Seth sat there pondering the question of who he would rather deal with, Ryan or Summer. Ryan was tougher than he was and was not a pleasant person to be around for any amount of time lately but Summer could be just as lethal if a rage black-out came along and of course she could always kick him out of the bedroom which was the deciding factor in the argument playing inside his head. He stood up, hands stuck in the pockets of his jeans as he slowly took the longest route around the room to where Ryan stood still staring out into the blackness.

"Hey Ryan," Seth started out as he kept his distance in case a fist was thrown out of nowhere.

"What is it Seth?" Ryan whispered, his voice giving away that all the fight had left him if his body language didn't.

"We need to talk."

…

Ryan stood in front of the mirror struggling with the thing around his neck. He had been thinking about this for the last two weeks, his mind going back and forth on whether or not he should do it but eventually he had decided he would go ahead with it. Now that the moment was upon him, he worried that he had made the wrong decision, that maybe this wasn't the correct answer but he was determined to see this thing through to the very end.

"Having problems?" Sandy asked, coming into the room and walking up to him as he saw Ryan struggling with tying the bowtie that was part of his tuxedo.

"You know that me and these things never got along. It's amazing that I even learned how to tie a necktie but I refuse to learn a bowtie," Ryan said in defeat, handing the frustrating material over to Sandy whose hand was outstretched waiting for it.

"I remember the first time I had to do this for you," Sandy said as he slipped the untied piece of fabric behind Ryan's neck, "You thought you could get by with telling me the open-collar look was more in-style because you were too scared to acknowledge that you needed help. It's amazing how far you've come since that day Ryan and I know that Kirsten and I don't say it enough but we're both very proud of the man that you've become and we love you."

Ryan smiled sheepishly at the comment, turning to face the mirror and admire Sandy's work. The day Sandy was talking about flashed back into his mind, realizing how different a person he was now since then. From that point to this point he had conquered many obstacles and fears but yet he still felt like he was that teenage boy from way back then, a sense of deja vu overcoming him. If he looked hard enough in the mirror he could see that fifteen year old kid staring back at him, the black suit and necktie that he wore on his first of many Newport parties.

"I'm not sure I really have changed all that much Sandy," Ryan turned around and said, going to sit down at the edge of his bed, "I look in that mirror now and all I see is a scared person looking back at me."

"Who wouldn't be? I look in the mirror everyday and see a scared man. Nobody is saying you shouldn't be scared Ryan and nobody is saying that you shouldn't be handling this any different than the way you are but that doesn't mean that nobody else is scared for you. I've tried to put myself in your shoes and think how I would react if it was you or Seth dealing with this and I probably would be tackling this as well as you are but since I'm not and I can step back and look at this with different eyes, I just don't want you to look back someday and hope that you handled it differently. Whether Mya lives out a long full life or god forbid she's taken from us earlier, she's here right now Ryan. She's alive at this moment and is smiling bigger than Summer out there. Life may not be fair and we don't have to understand it all the time but we can live it to the fullest while we have it," Sandy said as he sat down next to Ryan, his arm going across Ryan's shoulders, "I think the best thing we can do for Mya is to keep letting the doctors do what they need to do and make sure that every day we have with her we make it a special one."

"I've been so worried about losing her lately that I haven't really been there too much for her," Ryan said more to himself than to his father sitting next to him.

"Then we go out there and make sure she has the best day ever and then tackle tomorrow the same way," Sandy suggested, "No one is gone yet Ryan but I think it's time we all start living again."

He gave Ryan a supportive squeeze before standing up, just in time to move out of the way as a little girl raced into the room, twirling around in her flower girl dress. The smile radiating off her face was enough to bring one to Ryan's, the first time in what seemed forever that a genuine smile appeared on his face. She ran over to her dad and jumped into his arms, hugging him tightly like she knew that was the one thing he needed most at that moment.

"You look beautiful," Ryan told her as Sandy left them alone in the room, allowing a father and his daughter to spend some time together.

"My dress is gorgeous daddy," she exclaimed, "Everyone out there says I'm the prettiest girl here."

"I think that I'll have to agree with them," Ryan said, placing a kiss on the top of her head, "How are you feeling?"

"Daddy?" she asked hesitantly, the voice of a child worried that what she said would make the one person that mattered most in her world mad.

"What is it baby?"

"Today can we just forget that I'm sick and pretend that I'm just like everyone else?" she asked, her eyes slowly making there way up to his.

"How are we going to act like you're everyone else when you are the most beautiful girl out there today?" Ryan asked, squeezing her tightly so that she didn't see his throat constrict or the tears daring to come forth, "You've got to promise me one thing though Mya."

"Anything Daddy," she said sweetly staring up at him.

"You have fun today and promise me that you save me a dance later on tonight," he told her.

"If you promise me you'll have fun today, I'll dance with you all night," she said with a smile, jumping off his lap to go join the other girls getting ready, stopping just before walking out the door to wave quickly before she was gone again.

Ryan fell back onto the bed after she had left, amazed at how his daughter could be handling things so much better than he was. He could have learned a lot by following her behavior, finding the brighter side of things that appeared to be bleak when looked at with only one point of view. Starting today he would do just that, fulfill his promise to her and start living life again with her instead of worrying about when it would end. In order to do that though he would have to get up off the bed and start mingling with the people who had gathered at his house to get ready for the ceremony that would begin in a few hours.

Standing up he stood in front of the mirror again to check on his tux, wanting the day to be perfect for Seth and Summer. The two of them deserved it, they deserved all of the happiness and joy that life threw their way and he would do his best to make sure that everything went right today for them. Turning around to head downstairs and make sure that everything was on schedule he stopped without taking a step, wondering how many life-altering moments he was to have in his bedroom today.

There stood Marissa in his doorway, dressed in her bridesmaid gown leaning up against his door as if she didn't want to cross any line by going further in. It had been a year since he had last seen her, almost just as long as they had last talked but she was still just as beautiful as ever. Just seeing her again took his breath away, brought back the feeling of holding her in his arms. She stood there with a smile that was hesitating to open up too much, her eyes having a hard time reaching up to his as the two of them were finally paired back up after so much time.

"Hi Ryan."


	12. Chapter 12

**Thanks to **Girlz-Rule, RJMoonspell4, Juzzy88, tines, kursk, EnglandOCfan, Westcoastlover08, CohenNAtwood, saxamofone, newportgirl22, and Movies are our business **for all the reviews from the last post. Let me know what you think of this one.**

"Hi Ryan."

He stood there, not knowing what to say even though a simple hello would have sufficed. He hadn't been prepared to see her, nor was he now, but yet there she was standing mere feet away staring up at him. She looked irresistible to him, the only thought going through his mind that he could concentrate on was rushing over to her and taking her in his arms but he lost that privilege a long time ago. Instead he was forced to stand there and drink her in with his eyes, an invisible barrier between them that he wasn't allowed to cross over.

For him the time they spent apart from each other hadn't seemed as vast as he had other problems to occupy his time but after seeing her again it felt like forever and a day since he had laid eyes upon her. With trying to balance Mya and his work as well as his own state of mind there hadn't been any time for Marissa to squeeze into his life and to be fair to her, he hadn't allowed her to. She deserved more than to be allotted a slot into his life; she deserved to be loved unconditionally and to have someone who would pour out all of his energy and time to making her happy. His life hadn't permitted that to happen with the two of them but that didn't mean he couldn't regret pushing her away though he would never admit that to her. She didn't need to hear how sorry he was and be led on as if they could somehow resume their relationship.

"Hello Marissa," he finally replied back after the silence stretched out.

"I wanted to come talk to you before the wedding, to make sure that you are okay with this," she began, still keeping herself just outside of his bedroom, "I know that this is your family but Summer insisted I still be her maid-of-honor but I told her I'd let you make the final decision."

"Its fine," he told her, his hands going into his pockets as he became nervous by standing there with her eyes penetrating him, "I'm glad you came, it's really good to see you."

"Alright then, I'll see you at the church," she nearly whispered, turning away from him and disappearing just as quickly and unannounced as she had appeared.

His feet began chasing after her but his mind finally won that battle and he never made it to the doorway where she had just been. He wouldn't put her through this, not again, and for her sake he would just have to keep his feelings bottled up and hidden from the public and her until she was gone. He had done a good enough job pretending over the last few months so a few more days shouldn't be too much of a challenge at least that was what he kept repeating over and over to himself. The truth was if he let his guard down with her for just a split second he knew that he wouldn't have the strength or willpower to build it back up. So much for trying to have a carefree day, he said silently to himself as he walked out of the room and prepared for the day ahead.

…

Marissa held her head high with a large smile on her face as she glided through the people gathering in the living room of Ryan's house, navigating her way past until she found an empty guestroom. Once inside she allowed her fake appearance to drop, throwing herself down on the bed where her true feelings poured out through tears and sobs. She let her body shake uncontrollably while her newly applied makeup ran down her face, not caring, just wanting to get rid of the horrible emotion she was feeling at that moment. She hadn't been prepared for how hard it would be to see him again; if she had she never would have worked up the courage to show up today. The question of whether or not to attend had been an internal battle for weeks now but eventually Summer had convinced her that she had to or there wouldn't be a wedding. One look though was all that it took for the wall she believed she had built around her heart to crash down, the flimsy foundation falling down quicker than she could have imagined.

If he could cause her to lose control with a simple look, how was she going to survive the rest of the day around him? She had tried so hard to block out her feelings for him, to try and tell herself that she was no longer in love with him and should move on but telling yourself that thousands of miles away was a lot easier than when he was standing right in front of you. She quickly sat up and wiped at her eyes, knowing that her face must look a mess right now as the door opened. The bride took one look at her maid-of-honor and closed the gap between them, letting Marissa fall into her arms so that her tears could start all over again.

"I'm sorry Sum, this is your day," she said in-between sobs, "I shouldn't be crying before the wedding."

"You don't worry about me, I've got enough damn people out there trying to help out in some way that I'm feeling a rage black-out coming on so this right now is good for the both of us," she comforted her, rubbing her hand across Marissa's back so that her salon hair-do wouldn't get messed up.

"It's just so hard Sum, I didn't think after all this time it would be this hard," she cried, "I was a mess for months after I left here but eventually I pulled myself together and occupied all of my time with work just so that I didn't have to constantly think of him. I thought that I was making progress but just looking at him for a split second wiped my illusion away."

The fact was that deep down she knew that this would happen. When she left Ryan a year ago it was the hardest thing she ever had to do and it simply hadn't gotten any easier since that day. She waited by the phone for days, then weeks, and then months to hear from him. She cried herself to sleep each night, the cordless phone cradled in her arms just in case that night would be the night. Her family and friends tried to help her fill the empty void that had been created inside of her but there was only one person that could do that and he wasn't making any attempts to help her heal. She buried herself into her interior design work, exhausting herself each day and long into the night so that her mind was occupied up until the point that her body had to shut down to sleep. During that time that Ryan and Mya had been far from her current thoughts, though always lurking there, she believed that she was finally getting over their separation but unfortunately that had all been a front she had made herself accept as true. The cold hard reality was that she wasn't even close to being over them, only that she had found something else to occupy her time with so that she wouldn't have to deal with her true problem. Just because she could sweep something under the rug didn't mean that she was rid of it, just that it was out of sight for the time being and that was what she had been doing with herself and Ryan this last year.

Now that she had come back and laid her eyes upon him once again, all of those feelings that were suppose to be swept away and hidden had emerged all at once and the feeling was overwhelming. She could no longer imagine that she was over him, trying to move on with her life and doing a damn good job of it like she had once believed, not when all it took was one look. Reality had just handed her a good hard slap in the face and she let her tears fall freely with the pain of that. What made it even worse was that when she left again to go back home she would be aware of her cover-up and that would only make things harder than they were the first time around. She didn't know if she was strong enough to take on that task nor was she entirely sure she wanted to. What she did know was that she was still just as madly in love with Ryan has she had been the last time she saw him but yet he had neither the time and maybe not the feelings for her.

"I'm fine now Sum, I promise," she said as she wiped at her eyes once again, lying to her best friend that had been the only contact she had with this place in the last year, "We should be out there celebrating your big day."

"Are you sure you're going to be all right with this, walking down the aisle with Ryan and everything?" Summer asked her with concern etched on her face.

"I'll be fine, just maybe speed up the ceremony a little bit so that I can face the rest of the day with a glass of champagne in my hands," Marissa smiled, wanting to prove to her friend that she no longer had to worry about her even though inside she was screaming to get away from this place.

"Any excuse to get Cohen to quit rambling is a plus in my book! Now lets go fix your make-up but only a little to make sure I'm still the prettiest one here."

…

"Hey Ryan, I see you're all set up for some Seth/Ryan time," Seth said as he sauntered into Ryan's bedroom to find him sitting on the edge of his bed, his head in his hands.

"Hey man, ready for the big day!" Ryan said enthusiastically as he tried to form a large smile on his face.

"So I take it from the overly large smile and the forced happiness that you have to wear a tux all day and dance later on tonight that you ran into Marissa already?" Seth said as he sat next to his brother on the bed.

"You could have at least warned me that night we talked about this that she would be here," Ryan growled, the smile quickly disappearing from his face as the thought of Marissa stole over his thoughts once again.

"I wanted to, I really did but you know me and confrontation just don't mix well," Seth rambled, watching out of the corner of his eye for any sudden movements that would leave a large bruise on his body, "I just figured that it would be hard enough for you to be here today and force a smile on your face without having to worry for the last two weeks that Marissa would also be here, which by the way I should mention that you'll bewalkingwithherdowntheaisle."

Seth's eyes widened as the sneer on Ryan's face grew even more menacingly than he thought was possible and he quickly scooted over to the edge of the bed just in case the old time Ryan decided to pop in for a visit today. He waited nervously for his brother to saw something, anything but after minutes went by with only silence he knew that he would have to be the one to initiate the conversation into going any farther.

"So are you going to be okay with this?" Seth asked, his body ready to make a lunge toward the floor at any body movement from his brother.

"I don't know how I feel about this Seth," Ryan confessed quietly as he stared at the wall opposite of him, "She's been out of my life for the last year and then suddenly without any warning here she is again and nothing has changed since then with Mya's situation. I just don't know what to feel right now."

"Are you sure she's been out of your life for a year Ryan? Maybe that's what's making this so hard," Seth offered.

"I said she's been out of my life for a year Seth, not out of my thoughts," Ryan replied back as he tried to process the feelings of joy and confusion of seeing her again.

The truth was he didn't know what he was feeling or how he was suppose to feel or how to sort through everything in between. He knew that when she left a year ago that all it would take was a simple phone call for her to re-enter his life but he couldn't do it. He had tried many times, always getting to that last number before he would hesitate and then finally hang up. Each time got harder and harder because time kept going until finally he believed that too much time had gone by. She had probably moved on with her life and the last thing that he wanted to do was re-enter it and stir up all those old feelings again. It wasn't fair to her and it wasn't fair to Mya when nothing could come out of it but moping around again for months on end. He had to worry about Mya first, then his business and then if he had any time or energy, which he hadn't, he could worry about his personal life.

"Maybe it's time to let her back in then," Seth said softly, not wanting to add any fuel to the fire that was going on inside of Ryan but also having seen him the last year he only wanted what would make his brother happy.

"Speaking of being happy, today's your big day," Ryan said standing up rather quickly which put Seth back into defensive mode although that was like trying a bug trying to stop a semi-truck when it came to him and Ryan, "Enough worrying about me and my problems. Today's all about you, Summer, and having fun."

"Ryan, did you just say fun?" Seth questioned as he followed Ryan out of the bedroom as to which no reply was received and then quietly to himself, "I'm not sure about fun but I have a feeling it could be quite interesting."


	13. Chapter 13

**Thanks to **Juzzy88, Girlz-Rule, saxamofone, tines, Movies are our business, kursk, and a special one to Brook-Lucas-Fan-23 for being the 100th reviewer! **Let me know what you guys think of this one and if you want anything added into the story!**

Ryan waited nervously outside of the church by himself, too much time for thought on his hands and for the first time he hoped the wedding would just hurry up and start. Not that he was particularly looking forward to having to walk down the aisle with Marissa, stare at her while Seth and Summer said their vows, and then escort her to the reception and be forced to dance with her during the wedding party dance. His stomach was actually trying to tie itself into a knot thinking about all of the things he was going to have to do with Marissa since she was the maid-of-honor and he was the best man but he also was aware that the sooner the wedding started, the sooner it would be over and if he waited any longer he wasn't sure if he would be able to walk anywhere or not. Somehow she had him all worked up with the simple talk they awkwardly had this morning and he hadn't been himself since.

If he wanted to be honest with himself, he hadn't been any where close to the real Ryan Atwood for the last year. A lot of it had to do with Mya and her illness but there was a part that wasn't the same because of Marissa leaving. Somehow she made him feel more alive, everything was brighter when she was around, and that had been missing from his life for quite some time. He wasn't sure what to do with her around but he knew that he couldn't keep getting this worked up about it or he'd be the next one in the hospital.

Why did I give up smoking, he thought silently to himself, looking around for anybody to talk to too get his mind off of Marissa for just a little while. Unfortunately he was the only one standing around outside, everyone else, including his daughter, was running around for last minute preparations. Both Seth and Summer knew full well to leave him alone, they wouldn't get him to fix his hair just a little or straighten out the vest on his tux even if they asked so they concentrated their efforts on the people who would be cooperative. Just when he was thinking that he might be able to sneak away unnoticed and not have to go through with any of the plans today he heard the door open and excitedly turned around to see who would be the lucky person that got to hear Ryan Atwood actually talk without prompting to the point that your ears hurt.

His breath caught in his throat as his eyes fell upon beauty in its truest form. She blushed when she saw him staring at her in her black full length gown, her flowers occupying her hands as her hair was pulled back except for a strand that dangled off her face. The words Ryan wanted to say moments before to whoever was willing to listen suddenly evaporated into thin air, here one second and gone the next as all thoughts ceased to exist for him except that the woman standing right in front of him was the most beautiful woman he had ever encountered. He was stunned, mesmerized by how gorgeous she looked.

"I'm going to take it you like the dress?" she smiled shyly at him, his open expression telling her that he might just still feel the same way about her that she felt about him.

"I think you look fantastic Marissa," he whispered yet the words reached her causing a smile to radiate off of her face, the first true smile in a long while.

"Well you don't look to bad yourself Mr. Atwood," she responded as she closed the gap between them so that she was now standing right next to him, close enough for him to smell the sweet perfume that had invaded his sleepless nights for over a year now, "I'm sorry about leaving so quickly this morning. It's just that, I guess I didn't realize how hard it was going to be seeing you again after all this time."

"Riss," he said painfully, the pain still evident in her eyes though diminishing some the longer they talked, "I'm sorry about everything. I wanted to call, I don't know how many times that I tried to call you but with everything that was going on and still going on I didn't want you to have to be placed to the side. You deserve more than what I could have given you this last year."

"Ryan, anything you could have given me would have been better than what I went through. I know you have a lot going on with Mya and I'm truly sorry for that. I don't want you to take this the wrong way with everything in your life right now but my last year was complete hell without you and after seeing you again today I realize that it's still a living hell. A simple phone call here and there would have even been enough for me, just something that let me know you were still there and cared about me."

Ryan watched her as she broke down and began sobbing, her shoulder lifting and rising as she lost control of her emotions and her hands covered her face to avoid him seeing the tears that were once again spilling forth. She hated to be this weak in front of him, knowing that he had gone through just as much if not more of a nightmare with Mya's situation but she couldn't help it. She loved him and had needed him, she still needed him and if this was the last time that she would be able to speak to him face to face she had to let him know that. She would put up a fight for him, let him know how she felt, and if he still didn't respond she would at least know that she gave it everything whether that was enough for him or not.

He could feel his arms raising as he took the two steps towards her, his body not seeming to be in his control but his heart. He wrapped her in his arms, holding her tightly against his body to comfort her. He hated seeing her like this and the fact that he was the cause of her pain only intensified the pain he felt as her body continued to shake. After minutes of standing there rubbing her back, whispering in her ear, holding her firmly yet gently against him she finally regained control yet lingered in his arms. It was there that she felt safe yet after all this time even if he was the reason for her crying and the place where he knew she belonged so why was he doing this to the both of them?

"Riss, I "

"Finally you guys!" Seth's impatient voice yelled from just inside the church they stood outside of, "The wedding is about to start and if you don't get in here we might not be having a wedding but a funeral instead."

"Marissa –"

"No Ryan, I'm sorry. This was neither the time nor the place to lay that all on you and I apologize," she said looking up at him with a sad smile on her face, wiping away the tear stains that had trailed down her cheeks, "This is Seth and Summer's big day and we shouldn't be ruining it for them just because we can't get it right. We should get in there and make this special for them."

She turned to walk back in the church and Ryan felt that huge empty hole inside of him start growing again as she escaped from his arms. He reached out quickly and grabbed her hand, causing her to turn around and give him a smile before they entered the church together. If he couldn't be holding her in his arms today then holding her hand would have to be enough. Just those few minutes of feeling her smooth silky skin against his rougher hands again had been enough for him to get lost. Maybe she was right that this wasn't the right timing or setting to be having the conversation they started but for once in his life he was prepared to talk out his feelings with her and figure this out whether it be later on tonight or tomorrow. He would find time or freeze it if he had to, but before she left they would sit down and continue where they left off.

…

The day both quickly passed by and stretched out forever for Ryan as he sat holding Mya in his lap. The ceremony, the dreadful speech he had to give, the dinner, and the dancing all seemed like it had happened a long time ago as he sat with his daughter watching the rest of the guests continue to move their way around the dance floor in the dimly lit ballroom. Yet every time his eyes connected with Marissa's or he touched her the world stood still for the two of them, allowing the limited time they had together to carry on for just a few more moments. All during the ceremony he couldn't tear his eyes away from her, she was just absolutely beautiful standing up there, while thinking that the two of them shouldn't have been the ones standing off to the side but instead joined together in the middle. He felt that old spark shoot through his body each time they touched to walk down the aisle and when they were paired together for a dance he wasn't sure if his knees would be able to support him for the entire song. He thought that maybe after this time apart that he would lose some of the feelings that he had when she was around but yet here they were together and those feelings had intensified rather than diminished.

He checked his watch, realizing it was getting late as Mya slowly drifted closer and closer to sleep. It had been a long day for her and her excitement had carried her up until this point but her little body could handle no more. Ryan couldn't remember her looking so happy and alive as she did today marching down the aisle, tossing out flower petals from the little basket she carried. She loved all of the attention she had received and being a part of the big girl group of bride and bridesmaids while joyfully dancing up until a few minutes ago. He knew that he should be getting her home and tucked safely away into her bed but yet he couldn't quite summon up the strength to leave. Marissa was still here, politely mingling with the guests and laughing along with Summer and he didn't want to give up being able to see her yet.

"Why don't we take Mya home with us?" Kirsten asked as she sat down next to Ryan, noticing who had captured all of his attention.

"No, that's fine. I was just getting ready to bring her home myself," he responded as he broke eye contact with her, "You guys should stay and enjoy yourself. It's not too often that your son gets married."

"We still have one left to go and it appears that maybe his bride is even here tonight," she smiled sweetly back at him, holding out her arms for her granddaughter, "but if you want to be stubborn about it you just go right ahead. I'll hold Mya for a little while if you go ask Marissa to dance."

Ryan hated to dance, his body wasn't made to be out on a dance floor but the thought of holding Marissa closely again intrigued him enough to hand his daughter over after giving her a kiss on her head. He made sure she was comfortable in Kirsten's arms before walking across the room to where she was standing now by herself, watching out at the dance floor at the new husband and wife who seemed to be so in love.

"Would you like to dance?" he asked quickly before his courage faltered and he sat back down for the night.

"I thought you didn't dance?" she questioned as she held out her hand to him.

"I don't, at least not very well, but it's a slow dance and you look like you want to be out here," he said as they walked out onto the floor, his arms going around her waist as hers slid around his neck.

"So you're doing this for my benefit?" she asked with a raised eyebrow as they slowly circled around, their bodies swaying to the soft music playing.

"I might have a little personal interest here too," he confessed as they held each other's eyes, getting lost into them.

The song ended yet the two continued on without a stop, neither realizing that the music had quit nor that another song had started up. Right now they were the only two people in the room, just them, and for awhile they had no problems in their lives or painful memories to occupy their thoughts. They simply had each other and that was enough for them for the time being, at least enough until they were broken out of their trance as the dj announced that was the last song for the night and the lights came flickering back on.

"What are we doing?" she asked, holding her breath as she waited for his answer.

"Come home with me Riss."

"Ryan – "

He cut off her words by pressing his lips against hers, catching her off guard. She quickly regained her composure, responding with her own lips as their bodies pressed up against each other. He loved the taste of her lips against his, the way she moaned softly as the kiss intensified, both wanting more.

"God I want to Ry," she said softly pulling away, "I really want to but I don't think that is such a good idea."

"We could talk," he replied as their lips joined again and again, "We need to talk about this, about us."

Before she had a chance to respond with words, their lips still reuniting in small, passionate bursts, Ryan felt a hand tugging at his jacket. Looking down he saw his daughter standing there rubbing her eyes with one hand while pulling at his tux coat with the other. He broke apart from Marissa to pick her up where she quickly snuggled into his shoulder with her arms around his neck.

"Daddy, I'm sleepy," she yawned into his neck.

"We'll talk tomorrow Ryan, I'll stop by," Marissa said as she backed away from him slowly, needing to put some space between them before things picked back up before Mya had walked over. He watched as she gave him a small wave and a smile before turning around and walking into the crowd of people.


	14. Chapter 14

The next day Ryan now had the image of his watch ingrained in his mind

**Thanks to **Movies are our business, RJMoonspell4, Grilz-Rule, Brook-Lucas-Fan-23, tines, newportgirl22, kursk, Juzzy88, and Rangersran1 **for your reviews. Sorry this has taken so long to update but just haven't had time. Will be one more post to the story and then it will be completed. Should have it up sometime at the end of the week or early next week. Let me know what you think!**

The next day Ryan now had the image of his watch ingrained in his mind. He could close his eyes and still see every minute detail that was etched into it and yet it seemed like the hands on it counted off the days instead of the seconds. For the first time in longer than he cared to remember, he woke up with a smile on his face and was actually looking forward to the day. He was excited about something again, had a little bounce to his step, a little more white in his smile. It was the exact opposite of how he was normally use to waking up which was tired, depressed, worn down, exhausted, dreading what was going to happen next. He was always worried about Mya and how she would feel, how he was going to get his work done early for the day so that he could get home faster to her, making trips back into the office late at night so that he could finish his work after she had gone to bed. Today though he noticed that the sun was shining brightly in the sky, he could once again hear the ocean waves if he listened closely, the aroma of the breakfast he was cooking in the kitchen.

He shouldn't have been as lively as he was considering that there was almost zero sleep during the night. The day had been long on his already sleep-deprived body but yet having seen Marissa again, touching her, kissing her again brought out new senses in him and he had laid awake thinking about the possibility of seeing her again tomorrow, which was now today. Even the few short hours he did find it possible to close his eyes and rest his dreams were filled with her presence, which made the sleep all that more enjoyable.

Just as he was about to go wake Mya up from her bed for breakfast he heard a knock at the door. His heartbeat accelerated, he quickly looked around to make sure that the place was not a mess, that he was dressed decent before wondering when he turned into a woman. Still he picked up his step a little faster as he walked to the door, stopping only momentarily to catch his breath before he opened it up to reveal the woman who had quite literally captivated his dreams the night before.

Even though she was no longer wearing her maid-of-honor dress or her hair was lying down instead of being professionally done, Ryan thought that it was quite possible she looked even better today than she had yesterday. Hers was a natural beauty, not needing the make-up and accessories to have that radiate from her. He wouldn't have cared if she had come to his door dressed in hobo clothes with her hair unkempt, just the fact that she was there now was what mattered.

"You've seemed to have lost the ability to speak since the last time I was here," she said with a smile to lighten the mood, "I guess I can't hold the no phone calls against you knowing that."

"Please, come in," he finally spoke, well aware of the effect she had on him by simply being in her presence.

He quietly shut the door behind her, taking a moment to regain some sort of balance. Her beauty took his breath away, her presence tied his stomach into knots, and her words bounced his feelings all over the place but the one feeling that stood out the most was the feeling of happiness again. She was back in his house again, a house which she should have been calling her own for a year now, and Ryan was determined to do anything he could in order for her to start doing that.

"Can I get you something?" he asked, wanting to express all of the powerful emotions coursing through his body at that very moment but also fearful of how that conversation would go once they got started.

"How about an honest explanation as to why you've tried to push me out of your life?" she replied, sitting down at his kitchen table where she crossed her legs, folded her arms across her chest, and stared into his eyes while she waited for her answer.

"Not planning on taking this slow huh?" Ryan commented as he sat down across from her, trying to buy himself time so that when he did speak it would be with the right words.

"Ryan, there is no time for us to take things slow. Six years ago you walked into my life and I haven't been able to stop thinking about you. We finally reunite only to have you shut me out of your life for the last year. We've spent more time apart than we have together so forgive me if I don't want to waste anymore time trying to figure out what we have between us."

"Riss, what I told you yesterday was the truth. This year has been the worst year of my life and having spent my first sixteen years growing up with an abusive father and alcoholic mother, that's saying a lot." 

"That still doesn't explain why you refused to answer my calls, asking me to move in with you only to let me go back to Iowa without hearing from you, for not even picking up the damn phone once Ryan! I know how hard this year has been for you because I actually picked up the phone and when you didn't answer I called Summer to keep in touch. It wasn't that you just shut yourself off from me but I fell in love with that little girl of your too when I fell in love with you and to not know how she was doing was just as bad as not knowing how you were doing. This year didn't have to be as bad as it was for the both of us because if we would have tackled it together, it would have been a little easier," she let him have it, the tears beginning to trail down her delicate cheeks.

Ryan sat there and absorbed every word she threw at him, each one hitting him sharply as he knew they were the truth. He could have tried to make things work with her, allowing her to help and battling their problems together instead of apart but he hadn't. He had allowed the one woman he loved to walk away and the fighter inside of him hadn't even tried to stop her. Instead he had done the opposite and pushed her away, thinking that would have been the easier solution but yet here she was, somehow still in his life sitting across from him in his kitchen. Every tear that fell from her face was because he had caused it and now that he could physically see what he had put her through, it made the situation he thought was for the best all that much worse.

"You're right Marissa," he confessed, "Everything you said was right. With my past I haven't let a lot of people in and when things get tough I tend to push them away along with everyone else. My problems have always been my problems and I don't allow people to help me with them and by retreating back to my former self I pushed you away. Intentionally I didn't try to hurt you but I can see now what I've put you through and I can't begin to express how sorry I am for that."

"No offense Ryan but I didn't come down here to hear you say that you can't even begin," Marissa said, quickly getting to her feet as she wiped at her eyes.

"Riss, please," Ryan began before he was cut off.

"Hi Marissa," a little voice from the bottom of the stairs called out in a sleepy voice.

Ryan turned to see his daughter rubbing her eyes as she descended down the last step, still dressed in her pajamas. He checked her over, not even realizing that he did it, making sure she looked like she was feeling good today, which she wasn't. She looked pale and worn out, though he didn't want to overreact as yesterday had been a long day for them both.

Marissa smiled brightly at Mya as she waved; making sure that the little girl didn't see the tears by wiping at them quickly. The two had spent a large portion of yesterday with each other, Mya not wanting to leave Marissa's side as they finally reunited. It had nearly broken her heart to see how attached the little girl still was to her, making their time apart that much harder to handle.

Before either adult could speak, the little girl who had interrupted their heated moment spoke up, "Daddy, I don't feel so good."

As the last words spilled forth from her mouth, her eyes rolled backwards and her tiny body crumpled to the floor. Ryan shot out of his chair racing past a shocked Marissa who was too stunned at the moment to do anything. Ryan fell next to his daughter, picking up her frail body in his arms as he tried to get her to wake up but her eyes remained close and her body limp. Shouting at Marissa to call for help as he panicked, he decided there was no time for that and picked up his little girl as he ran to his car.

….

"How is she?" Marissa asked as she slipped into the dark hospital room where Mya laid while Ryan sat watch next to her bed.

"She's stable," he responded, his eyes never leaving his daughter as the terror was still too real from this morning yet, "She needs to rest and the doctor's will be back shortly with her test results to see what's going on."

"I'm sorry about earlier Ryan," she said as she came to stand behind him, one hand resting on his shoulder, "After seeing Mya today I realize that maybe you do have too much on your plate without adding a relationship to it."

"No, everything you said today was the truth Marissa, but with so much going on it's just hard to figure it all out sometimes," he whispered, her hand on his shoulder comforting.

"Now is not the time to be figuring anything out except on how to get Mya healthy again," she told him, her heart wanting that to happen more than anything but also knowing the sacrifice she as taking because of it, "I just wanted to stop by and see how she was doing."

"Can you sit with me?" he asked, his words filled with vulnerability but knowing that he had to move past his own insecurities if it meant a future with her.

"I'm sorry Ryan, my flight leaves soon," she whispered, her heart aching at having to tell him that when this morning or anytime over the last year she wanted him to open up to her just like he was now.

"Can't you stay a few more days?" his eyes pleaded with her, finally moving off his daughter so that he could take her in.

"I can't, I'm sorry," she said, "I have a business meeting that I have to be at first thing tomorrow morning and this is the last flight I could catch. I do hope that Mya get well Ryan and I wish you two all the happiness in the world. The two of you deserve it."

She turned to run from the room, knowing that if she stayed even a moment longer she would not have the strength to go. Inside she felt as if she were slowly dying, knowing that this might be the last time that she would ever been in the same room with the two people that had captured her heart and showed her what it meant to be truly in love. She made it to the doorway before his voice stopped her, though she wouldn't turn around to look at him. If she did that, she knew that her weakness would be stronger than her sacrifice and she wouldn't put anymore on him than what he was already dealing with.

"I found happiness once in Iowa bundled up in a red winter coat and white hat. My happiness goes where she does."

She pressed her lips tightly together, not wanting the wall she had begun building up to come crumbling down, at least not in front of him. She paused for a moment, wanting him to know that her happiness also went hand-in-hand with him but a tear broke free from the wall and she knew that in moments the gates would be open and she was determined not to let him see her like that.

"Good-bye Ryan," she whispered before disappearing out of the room,


	15. Chapter 15

**Thanks to **RJMoonspell4, ocgirl.fr, Girlz-Rule, Juzzy88, tines, newportgirl22, Movies are our Business, and kursk **for all the reviews. Never planned on the story going this long but with all the reviews it was fun to keep going. Let me know what you think of this one!**

Summer slowly transcended into fall, the beaches less filled now as the droves of people had gone back to their lives of school and work, while Ryan walked along the shore just out of reach of the water. It was a perfect day to be outside, the temperature warm with the shining sun while the breeze blowing in from the water kept him just cool enough. His mind traveled back on the last few months as he walked along barefoot in the sand, his dress shoes hanging down against his side. These little trips along the beach had become a new routine for him, allowing himself the privilege of some time alone to think things through that were rattling around in his head. A few short months ago he had been sitting in a hospital room wondering how much more time he had left with his daughter and the other woman that had won a piece of his heart had said her good-bye. Those next few days had been the toughest he had ever experienced in his life, the uncertainty hanging over his future weighing down on him until he felt suffocated and had escaped to the beach to try and walk away his problems. Though his problems remained, the sense of clarity and peace he felt had provide a comfort when nothing else had and so he continued to come back each day if only to escape for a little while.

His daughter collapsing in the kitchen that morning had terrified him like nothing else had, nightmares still snuck into his dreams to haunt and remind him of that feeling but yet it had been a blessing in disguise. The doctors preformed more tests on her and had realized that the treatment they were proceeding with was not going to help. With the new results they outlined a different treatment plan and yesterday he had received news that broke the strong man into tears. The doctors believed that Mya was finally cancer free, she had responded better than believed to the new treatment and her hopes of living a long, healthy life may finally be in front of her. They warned about it possibly coming back and would continue to monitor her for it but for now Ryan was soaking in that he might actually be able to walk his little girl down the aisle some day. The thought of that brought a smile to his face but was quickly replaced with a grimace as the thought of giving his daughter away to some other man meant that he would be forced to let go of his little baby.

While Marissa had left him that night in the hospital, knowing that with his daughter lying in the hospital bed he wouldn't chase after her, he didn't give up so easily. Once Mya's condition became better and he wasn't worried with fear, he finally managed to dial every last digit of her telephone number and she had answered. They hadn't seen each other since that day but slowly they began picking back up the pieces of their relationship over the phone and now spent at least an hour a day talking to one another. It wasn't what he had pictured, nor was it everything that he wanted with her, but the fact that they were working on it was more than he could have ever hoped for. He knew that he had to regain her trust again and show her that he was back to being the man she had fallen in love with and each day that passed got them closer to that point.

He knew that he wasn't quite ready himself to reach that point they were once at, needing some time to regroup his life back to what it had once been while trying to become more open with his feelings and emotions so that he stopped pushing people away when they tried to help. These little trips to the beach helped him get there, allowing him to sort through his feelings as he walked, so that by the time he was done it didn't feel like he had a million things going on that he alone had to deal with. With a clearer mind and just taking a step back, his life had begun to reshape into a better one with him being a better father, son, friend, and one day he hoped husband.

As his mind drifted across the country to a little state filled with cornfields and what one particular woman was doing there, he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. Normally he refused to answer the device when he was out here as it violated trying to escape his life for awhile but he felt that someone might also be thinking about him at the same time he was about her. He placed his phone to his ear as he answered, a smile breaking across his face as he heard her voice. It was times like this one that he knew they were going to be alright, that they were destined to spend the rest of their lives together when that time came.

"So I'm sitting here in my office looking out at all the leaves on the trees changing colors and I just had a sudden urge to call you," she said, her voice telling him that a warm smile was hiding behind the line.

"That's funny because I'm sitting here walking barefoot along the ocean and I was just thinking that it has been a long time since I've gotten to see that wonderful smile of yours in person."

"I'm stuck here in my office while you're walking along the beach right now? Care to explain how you think that's going to get me to smile?" she teased although she longed to be walking beside him at that very moment.

"Would it help if I told you that I'm just taking a break from my life before I get set to spend a week stuck in meetings across the country?" he asked, dreading the trip that tomorrow would take him away from his daughter for the next ten days.

"It would if you told me that you were flying to some little state in the middle of the country," she replied, closing her eyes as she prayed that somehow they would reunite in the next few days.

"Sorry, no where close and even if I was my schedule is so packed that I'm trying to figure out when I'll sleep," he sadly answered, knowing his words were no comfort to either of them.

"So we're destined to continue this relationship strictly through the phone with no date in the future as to when we'll actually see each other?" she spoke forlornly.

"I'm sorry Riss, work has been crazy now that I'm finally back and we're trying to catch Mya back up in school so that she doesn't fall further behind," he said, her words killing him.

"I know Ry, I just really miss you that's all. It's been so long since I've had your arms around me that I can hardly remember how warm and safe they make me feel."

"Chrismakkuh will be here in two months," Ryan said as an idea began forming in his mind, "I will be up there for two whole weeks with Mya, Seth, and Summer if you promise to have your schedule cleared."

"Done," she said quickly, her rapid response telling her just how much she really did miss him, "And Ry, if you don't get your ass up here and spend two whole weeks like you're promising, there will be severe repercussions."

….

While the two months between their arrangement and Chrismakkuh did not go near as quick as either one of them had hoped it would, the day finally arrived. Mya was nearing the point of annoying as she hadn't been able to contain her excitement for the last few weeks but as Ryan was feeling the same, although keeping it inside, he couldn't fault her. Once they were safely on the ground and he could open his eyes, he too found it difficult to keep his excitement to just himself, having longed for this day since the summer.

The only thing that had him a little worried about their trip was the greeting. The last time they kissed have been nearly six months ago and the last time they had been in the same room she had told him good-bye; how were they to act around each other now that they were finally back face-to-face. As they walked down the ramp and exited out into the airport, his apprehension soon was forgotten as she ran into his arms and kissed him with everything she had. Every kiss they had missed over the last year and a half was thrown into the one they were sharing now and he instantly knew that this trip was worth everything.

Somehow they managed to break apart though neither wanted the kiss to ever end, and they picked up their luggage and into the rental car waiting for them. Traffic was horrendous, even for someone use to the traffic in California, due to it being Christmas Eve and it was on this day all those years ago that this had all started. It had seemed like a lifetime journey since that eventful day but yet they were here after all this time and Ryan could say that he had never been happier.

"Daddy, didn't you use to go shopping for my presents here?" Mya asked from the backseat where she was sitting between Seth and Summer.

"Yes, I always went shopping tonight for your gifts before I flew out in the morning," he answered as they crawled through the traffic.

"Can we go shopping right now there?" she asked, "I want to go see where you use to go."

"Sure," Ryan answered, navigating his way through the lanes as he changed their direction.

Shortly the five of them arrived at the mall, the parking lot filled with cars as people raced to get their last minute shopping done and the snow falling down silently from the sky like he always remembered. They hurried through the cold and into the warm building where fate had happened for two of them.

"Marissa, would you take me to go pick out a gift for my dad?" Mya asked once they were all safely inside the building, not use to such extreme temperatures.

"Sure hunny," she said as she took the little girl's hand and after making plans of meeting back up the two of them disappeared into the crowd.

Seth and Summer soon took off on their own leaving Ryan by himself. He wandered among the people who were busy checking off items on their lists before going home to a house full of friends and family. The stores brought back many memories for him as he thought back to the first time he had met Marissa as they searched for a gift for Kirsten. Somehow among all the people that came to fulfill their shopping needs, they had not only found each other once but twice and yet here they were again. This place was special for the two of them, bringing them back together when they fell out of touch and it was then that Ryan knew what he wanted to get Marissa for her present.

He soon found the store he was looking for and after carefully selecting his purchase, he paid for it and set off to look for Marissa and his daughter. He knew it wasn't going to be hard to track them down, somehow they were drawn to each other no matter where they were at but this place seemed to make that attraction just a little bit stronger. He hadn't made it more than five feet out of the store he was just in when he saw the two of them walking towards him hand-in-hand laughing at something that they had just shared between the two of them.

"Did you find me a present?" she teased as she leaned up to kiss him, neither able to get enough of the light kisses they had been sharing since the airport.

"Actually I did," he said, knowing how she would react.

"What is it?" she asked instantly, not liking not knowing as she searched for a bag.

"If I told you it's a surprise what would you say?" he played along, finding the way she could get excited about a present in the same way that a child did very attractive.

"I would say that I've spent the last year and a half alone in my bed and that one more night wouldn't kill me," she whispered as she leaned in close to him, her breath on his ear making it very hard for him to concentrate.

"And if I give it to you now?" he replied, trying to regain back some control over the situation.

"Then you will be one very happy man later on tonight," she replied, knowing that she had him caving into her demands.

"Alright, close your eyes," he told her, fishing her present out of his pocket once he was sure she wasn't peaking.

He smiled at his daughter who was watching in fascination as he showed her Marissa's present. The smile that lit up her face was the same reaction that he was hoping he would also receive from Marissa. The minute he saw it he knew that this was what he had been looking for, now he would find out if it was right for her.

"You can open your eyes now," he said.

Marissa slowly opened her eyes, looking around for her gift until she spotted Ryan kneeling on one knee in front of her. In his hand he held a black jewelry box which he slowly opened to reveal a sparkling diamond ring, an engagement ring to be more precise. Her free hand covered her mouth as she looked down at him while her other hand still had a hold of Mya who was grinning at the both of them as were several onlookers who had stopped to witness what was unfolding.

"Riss, I know you once said that we've spent more time apart than we have together but we have the rest of our lives to change that. I don't want to waste anymore time not having you in my life, not just over the phone but to wake up to everyday. Marissa Cooper, will you be my wife?"

Marissa stared down at the ring and then back into Ryan's eyes, never preparing herself for this moment to happen here. She could see in his eyes how much he loved her and she could feel in her own heart how much she loved him. Before she had a chance to respond, to compose herself enough where she trusted her own voice, she felt a pull on her hand.

"If you say yes, then you'll get to be my mom!" Mya whispered excitedly to her, a smile blossoming on her face as she looked up at Marissa.

"Riss?" Ryan said, a little worried as he remained on one knee that she hadn't responded yet.

"Yes Ryan Atwood, I would love to become your wife," she whispered, allowing him to slip the ring onto her finger before throwing her arms around his neck.

"Hey daddy, lets go find Seth," Mya announced loudly as he and Marissa shared a kiss.

"Why do we need to go find Seth?" Ryan questioned, puzzled at his daughter's request.

"Dad!" she exclaimed as if their ages were reversed and it was obvious as to why she wanted to find her uncle, "You know Uncle Seth wants to know about miracles happing on Chrismakkuh!"

"So Marissa agreeing to marry me is a miracle?" he asked as he scooped up his daughter.

"No daddy, I've always wanted a mommy but I just never thought to ask for one at Chrismakkuh until now and it finally happened," she explained as she leaped from Ryan's arms into Marissa's and wrapped her into a big hug.

"You want to know a secret?" Marissa asked which prompted Mya to bob her head up and down, "I've always wanted to have a little daughter and a loving husband so I guess my Chrismakkuh miracle came true too."

"Daddy, did you get your Chrismakkuh miracle to come true like we did?" his daughter asked as Marissa leaned into him while he wrapped his arm around her waist.

"I did sweetie," he answered while looking into Marissa's eyes, "My miracle has just happened."

"Seth is never going to believe this one!" Mya exclaimed as the three walked into the crowd of shoppers, laughing and living in their Chrismakkuh miracles.

**Thanks to everyone who followed along with the story. The reviews were great, they made the story just that much more enjoyable to write.**


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